5 tips for dealing with stress.

Perspectives to help move you out of stress and overwhelm.

Go to the profile of Amy Shefik
Jan 23, 2018
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1) The main component of stress is a resistance to what's happening, resistance to a situation, a person or a feeling. 

Resistance is the opposite of acceptance. To accept something doesn’t mean that you agree with it, but it does free up the mental space that’s being taken up with wishing things were different and resisting reality, to instead looking for a solution or way to move forwards.

Wishing things were different often stresses you out more than the thing itself. It also puts pressure on us because we’re looking for a way to control it in someway.

2) Focus on the thing you want rather than the absence of what you want. This follows on from number 1 in that resistance is focusing on the absence of what we want. 

In that energy we get stuck in a loop of finding more and more reasons to feel stressed, it makes our energy feel heavy and worn. 

When we focus on what we want it signals to our brain to look for it, activating our Reticular Activating System which filters out information. This means that we’re more able to see in reality what we’re focussing on mentally.

For example, when I was thinking about buying a new car I did some research to decide what type of car I wanted. I narrowed it down to three different makes, all with similar models. 

Because I was thinking about it a lot, I had stimulated my reticular activating system and I started seeing these cars everywhere. 

Not only will this focus bring more of what you want into your awareness, it will also lighten your energy and alleviate stress. 

Next time you’re stressed out about something try this; instead of saying, “I wish … wasn’t happening.” try saying, “I’m looking forward to … happening.” 

It’s super simple but effective, give it a go and see how it changes your energy and the feeling your body.

3) Question why you’re stressed. 

What meaning have you attached to the situation you’re feeling stressed about? 

We attach so much meaning to external things which are often out of our control, so when these external factors change, our response is often stress. 

We’ll tell ourselves things like, “If this thing doesn’t pan out in this particular way, … will happen.” or  “If  I don’t do … then she’ll be angry.” or “If I’m not able to achieve … then I everything will go wrong.” or “I’m not good enough because they’re behaving like …” etc etc.   

Is this true? 

Can you be sure that these meanings are really true or are they a projection of your own fears and worries? 

 The more you can question what it is that’s actually at the root of your stress, the more you can look for alternative perspectives.

4) Are you truly living life or are you analysing it? 

Do you have such a tight grip on your life that it can’t breathe? 

Do you have expectations that you feel you have to meet? 

Are you a little bit of a control freak? (no judgement, I am too.) 

How often do you feel stressed that things aren’t “going to plan?” 

If you spend too much time planning and analysing, you don’t spend enough time experiencing and living. 

The journey is just as important as the destination. It’s ok to take a detour or the scenic route, you learn so much from it.

If you reach the goal without the adventure to get there, you don’t appreciate it as much and you don’t learn as much.

So let go of your expectation and control of it having to be a certain way and just be open to the flow of life, the lessons and the unexpected pleasures that come with it.

Instead of frantically treading water, kick back, float and let the current carry you, enjoy the journey and fully immerse yourself in it.

5) Who are you trying to please? 

In my personal experiences with stress and that of many others I’ve spoken to, it often comes down to feeling the need to please someone else. 

Maybe it’s a demanding family member or friend, perhaps a colleague at work or maybe you feel pressured to meet someone else’s expectations of who they’d like you to be or what they’d like you to do? 

We fear other peoples aggression, judgement or disappointment and so we often spend a lot of our time juggling their expectations. 

This is exhausting and inauthentic. 

It’s exhausting because we’re managing their issues and it’s inauthentic because we’re behaving in a way that’s true to someone else’s wants and needs and not our own. 

You can be authentic without being mean. 

The way to do this is to always have kindness and compassion be the energy you bring to the situation.

Kindness and compassion for yourself and for the other person involved. If you see yourself as equals then you don’t judge them for their feelings but you also don’t feel like you need to manage them. 

You will be far more confident in saying something like, “I totally appreciate where you’re coming from. This is where I’m at … This is how I can see us moving forward, what do you think?” 

Kindness, compassion and confidence. 

It’s stressful to take on other peoples stuff, just don’t do it.   

Much love, 

Amy xx

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Go to the profile of Amy Shefik

Amy Shefik

Happiness Coach, The Fierce Flamingo

I help people navigate their way through the challenges and expectations of being a grown up in modern society, whilst building happiness, self-worth and having more fun.

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