Love after love
I picked up the Time Traveller’s Wife from my bookshelf to read for the umpteenth time because I needed something to keep me awake at work during the holidays. It’s also one of my favourite books and I had forgotten about the poem by Derek Walcott that was featured in the first page of the book. I read it out loud several times and my eyes were filled with tears. Something within me resonated with each word so I asked myself, would it be so bad if the love I seek is mine to begin with? I took a deep breath and said a silent prayer with the intention of giving this love back to myself. Why? Because I deserve it, I need it and I am worthy of this love. Love after loving the wrong people, the emotionally unavailable ones whom I allowed to future - forward and to serve me breadcrumbs time and time again.
Potential is great however, I am learning to separate potential from reality. I no longer want to be an option, or loose myself in the process of proving my worth anymore. I have had enough of having to answer why I am not in a relationship, not married at my age and “whether my ovaries have dried up” (in the words of my own mother).
I do not consider myself as incomplete, unworthy of love and commitment. I do believe my Creator has plans for me, and may His plans be aligned with mine in due time. It’s already day two of the new year as I embark on this journey of accepting this person I see in the mirror, for she is fierce, whole and complete so here’s to feasting on my life, and to loving more by caring less about what other people think.
Love and light,