Love after love
I picked up the Time Traveller’s Wife from my bookshelf to read for the umpteenth time because I needed something to keep me awake at work during the holidays. It’s also one of my favourite books and I had forgotten about the poem by Derek Walcott that was featured in the first page of the book. I read it out loud several times and my eyes were filled with tears. Something within me resonated with each word so I asked myself, would it be so bad if the love I seek is mine to begin with? I took a deep breath and said a silent prayer with the intention of giving this love back to myself. Why? Because I deserve it, I need it and I am worthy of this love. Love after loving the wrong people, the emotionally unavailable ones whom I allowed to future - forward and to serve me breadcrumbs time and time again.
Potential is great however, I am learning to separate potential from reality. I no longer want to be an option, or loose myself in the process of proving my worth anymore. I have had enough of having to answer why I am not in a relationship, not married at my age and “whether my ovaries have dried up” (in the words of my own mother).
I do not consider myself as incomplete, unworthy of love and commitment. I do believe my Creator has plans for me, and may His plans be aligned with mine in due time. It’s already day two of the new year as I embark on this journey of accepting this person I see in the mirror, for she is fierce, whole and complete so here’s to feasting on my life, and to loving more by caring less about what other people think.