No matter how much you want to make changes to your life – there's always one thing that can scupper your plans and get in the way of your success … and that's YOU!
If your own sub-conscious mind has decided against something happening for you, then no amount of well-intended new year resolutions will change that.
This core belief system is doing what it believes to be in your best interests, to keep you safe and free from the pain of shame and rejection or abandonment.
I know, I know... it gets it wrong a lot of the time. That's because it's not operating from an up-to-date set of instructions.
If your sub-conscious mind believes that you need to carry lots of extra weight to protect you from unwanted interest from the opposite sex... then it will ensure that you hold onto that weight.
If your sub-conscious mind has been conditioned to believe that you must not outshine and do better than any members of your family – in case they dislike and reject you for it - then you will hold yourself back from the success you are capable of. That might be in your business, career or finances - even though your conscious logical mind really wants you to achieve those sales targets, income goals, or celebrity status!
If your sub-conscious mind seeks to avoid further pain of failed relationships, then you've guessed it... there'll be no Prince/Princess Charming and happy ending for you again this year!
Sadly you may instead continue to attract those short-term partners who somehow fit into your inner drama – whether that's because they are in some way unavailable (emotionally or physically) to you, or downright abusive! We are compelled to repeat our sub-conscious dramas - until we learn how to change the script and attract a new cast! (see www.qpp.uk.com or more information about this)
Vision boards and fridge magnet affirmations may look pretty and inspiring, but they alone can't over-ride the immense power of your deep-seated sub-conscious 'survival' belief system.
Your baseline core sub-conscious beliefs were in place by the time you were about 6-7 years old – and they have been added to and re-enforced since, particularly in adolescence.
They become your 'blue-print' for life and what you should expect from it, and how you will then behave to bring this about – for at least 90% of the time!
It is based upon those early immature childhood decisions you made about who you were and what someone like you deserves to have in life.
Those decisions came from the sense you made of the experiences you had, as well as what was missing for you, and which of your early needs were unmet by those adults who were responsible for your care.
Sub-conscious beliefs become your survival filter, which only accepts things that already fit into its blue-print – anything else is discarded and avoided.
So, having a new year resolution or goal is one thing... but making it real is quite another.
It can be hard to re-train, re-programme and update your brain's 'files' so that it allows a new habit to become 'automatic'.
Hard perhaps, but not impossible. Knowing what you are up against is the first step to getting out of your own way!
Neuro-scientists tell us that it's easier to replace a bad habit with a new one if you have visual reminders which 'prime' your mind to act in the desired way.
These reminders will be things like having only healthy food on show in your kitchen, energy-conserving notices on your appliances etc.
There's a battle going on in your brain - between the powerful desires of your early emotional programming, and your more sensible and logical 'adult' brain regions.
The more logical part of your brain can help you to:
Find further goals that fit with your new one and help you to remember them
Compare what you're currently doing and thinking about, with your new goal - and assess whether these are a good fit with your longer-term aims
Co-ordinate your actions towards getting you what you want
Give you the necessary will-power and self-encouragement
Reduce your inner cravings
Research also tells us that on average it takes 66 days to learn a new behaviour which replaces the old one, and for this new one to then become automatic. (It also takes an average of 21 days to make changes to the way you see yourself – your self-concept and body image).
So don't be hard on yourself if your brain and sub-conscious programming let you down - again.
Understand why your inner child has been behaving in line with early childhood conditioning and expectations, and begin to feel genuine compassion for his/her struggle to stay safe (and get professional help for your wounded inner child's recovery)
Be clear about what exactly you want to change and list all the reasons why
Keep that list in view every day
Remove any physical temptations that will block you reaching your goals
Keep going until you eventually create your new 'automatic' behaviours
SO, GO AHEAD AND DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO CREATE YOUR OWN PREFERRED FUTURE!
Maxine Harley (MSc Psychotherapy) MIND HEALER & MENTOR
www.maxineharley.com – Helping you to recover from the effects of a troubled childhood, neglectful or toxic parents and your wounded inner child which have shaped the life you now have.
A page of FREE resources to help you get started can be found at www.maxineharley.com/free-resources
www.maxineharleymentoring.com – helping women to understand and manage their emotions, boundaries and behaviours – and to prevent the past from messing up the future in your career, business and home life!
www.the-ripple-effect.co.uk – a series of 10 individual online self-help workshops – helping you to help yourself to understand and manage;- Anxiety, Depression, Stress, Anger, Self-esteem & Confidence, Yourself, Your Relationships, How To Calm Down & Think Straight, Your Mind Body & Weight, and How To Be Happier
www.qpp.uk.com – helping you to review and revise those deeper sub-conscious beliefs which have been getting in the way of you having the life you want! You can change your life when you change your S.C.R.I.P.T. (c) - Sub-Conscious-Rules-Influencing-Present-Time