3 Things to Rekindle The Love on Holiday

Ah! it's holiday time, you and your partner are finally ready to get some quality time together. Rekindle the love as it were. Except sometimes we bring our stresses and relationship strains with us, end up bickering or arguing and generally loose out on that vital “RandR” - especially when kids are involved. So, before you go, I'd like to invite you to pack the 3 following bits of advice in order to have an awesome energy-generating love-rejuvenated holiday.

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Firstly, you want to leave the stressed-out you at home. We humans have a tendency to bring our past with us into the future, which if a stressful one, will taint the experience of the future. So if you get annoyed that hubby leaves his socks lying around at home, you will almost certainly look out for them on the hotel room floor and let that annoy you. Only you are on holiday... AND! YOU.DON'T.CARE.ABOUT.SOCKS. Well the new 'I'm-on-holiday' you doesn't. Without meaning to sound like the song from 'Frozen', really try and 'let it go'. One way to help you to let go is to think back to when you met. Think about how you were when you were in love (and when those sorts of things like sock on the floor didn't matter so much). Think about how you were then; how you were 'being'. Less judgemental perhaps.

Then it's time to show love. You have donned the new compassionate you and are all set to go only your partner either isn't in on the idea or has no clue what you are on about. The temptation to go back to stressed-out you is really high. However, there is actually something you can and must do. Show them love. Quite curiously, we receive love when we give it. So while your other half might be stressed-out, grumpy and ticking you off, if you make an effort to show them love, they will come round to your thinking, relax and show you love in return. The trick is to know what kind of love. There are 5 different ways to give and receive love. Figure out which your partner prefers, even if it grates you or makes you cringe, be the big person and do it. The 5 ways are: words of affirmation (a love note), quality time (romantic dinner), gifts (something nice they can unwrap) , physical intimacy (you know), acts of service (massage, arrange a day trip). You will have an idea of what they prefer, they might even like a couple of them. These are the ways they will understand that you love and care about them – and interestingly, it may be completely different from what you think is a good expression of love. I once had a female friend who absolutely hated getting flowers from guys, baffling many of her dates as she never wanted to see them again. Tell her how amazing and beautiful she looked and she was hooked.

And lastly, there is nothing better than rejuvenating a relationship than doing something together that requires some sort of team work. Best if it's something neither of you have ever done before. Depending on where you go on holiday, you might have to be creative. Perhaps plan something ahead of leaving. It could be as simple as letting yourself get lost in a town you have never been to before. See where you end up. Literally throwith the guide book and map away and take turns in deciding which path to take every time you get to a crossroad.

This is your holiday and you are in charge of making it work – not anyone else, not even your partner. Leave the expectations at home along with stress and think in worlds of possibilities. So caste away the stressed-out you, put on the 'when-I-was-in-love' mindset, show your partner love in ways they understand and go and do something together you have never done before.

Have a great time! You deserve it.

Madeleine Mason Roantree

Dating Psychologist, The Vida Consultancy Ltd

Dating and relationship expert, with an MSc and BSc in psychology, pending counselling psychology doctorate, Cert. in Applied Positive Psychology, plus cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), person-centred and psychodynamic training. Madeleine offers personal coaching and counselling sessions as well as seminars and workshops. Having experience in marriage, divorce, dating and relationships, Madeleine is passionate about helping people to understand their own needs and getting successful results in their personal relationships. She was shortlisted for Dating Expert of the Year 2014 and 2015 at the UK Dating Awards, plus nominated best dating expert in the world at the 2016 iDate awards. She has worked with various publications such as TimeOut, Daily Telegraph, The Independent and continues to blog at LifeLabs. In 2016 she founded the UK Dating Fair, an annual event for singles to get dating advice and meet the best dating experts in the UK, she is open to collaboration and idea exchanges within the helping profession.