How to stop feeling like a failure
We are bombarded with ways to be, thing to achieve and told how to be successful, and yet so many people feel anything but that. Here's one simple way for you to stop feeling like a failure.
I like to be honest with people and you may have already worked this out, but just in case you haven't I want to make it clear - I am a failure! Yep, by most people's standards of how life should be for a woman of my age, I am NOT successful.
I'm in my 40's. Single, in fact a divorcee. I do not have children. I don't own my house. I am not a size 10 (UK) I only have one car, one TV and no I am not on Netflix/Amazon Prime/Sky or any other TV offering. I am rarely up to date on Global news and I certainly couldn't tell you what is no.1 in the UK music, book or film charts. Nor could I tell you what's en vogue this season or who is marrying/divorcing who in the world of celebrities.
So according to where most advertising in the Western World tells us we 'should be' I am failing on pretty much every count.
In fact listening to most people and their version of what success is and where they should be in life, I am real failure.
And yet even as a failure I feel calmer and happier than many of the 'successful people' I speak to.
I have a list of 'to do's as long as my arm just as they do. We both have ambitions, plans and yet I am feeling relaxed. They tell me how stressed, worked up and overwhelmed they are. How they often experience anxiety or panic attacks. Yet they 'have it all' How can that be when they have what is defined by many as the successful life? How can I be a failure by so many others definition of success and yet feel happy?
I have my own definition of success. It's not set by others rules or values. It's not determined by their beliefs or needs. It's my definition. It's for me and it's not set in stone - yep I am even cheeky enough to change it!
It's very easy to end up following someone elses rules about life and how it 'should' be lived. I say listen to those rules and then ask yourself do those rules fit for me? Will they help or hinder me having the kind of lifestyle that I want?
It's not about making their definition right or wrong. Just simply ask yourself if it is working for you? If Yes, great carry on. If not then maybe it's worth you thinking about defining success for you.
If my definition was that I could only experience success as a woman if I was a mum then, I would still have to wait 9 months (if today was THE day!) until I could experience that success. And I want to experience success now. I don't want to have to wait 9 months!
So I define success for me today.
Doing what's on my list for today and of course making that as achievable as possible.
So how can you feel success ?...
...what is a helpful definition of success... for you?
.........How can you make it as accessible as possible for you to experience the sensation of success today?
...When you think you are failing, are you failing by your rules/standards or someone else's?....Either way, can you change the rules?
I ask because of the conversations I have had recently.
I am saddened by just how many people feel like they are failing and they are if they use the rules/standards set by the advertising world or other people. But when you set the rule/standards yourself by what is important to you, then you can feel different, more in control, ready for today and the next day.
Define success for you......please :-)
After all it's your life.
yours...successfully ;-) Jules