How to stop feeling like a failure

We are bombarded with ways to be, thing to achieve and told how to be successful, and yet so many people feel anything but that. Here's one simple way for you to stop feeling like a failure.

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I like to be honest with people and you may have already worked this out, but just in case you haven't I want to make it clear - I am a failure! Yep, by most people's standards of how life should be for a woman of my age, I am NOT successful.

I'm in my 40's. Single, in fact a divorcee. I do not have children. I don't own my house. I am not a size 10 (UK) I only have one car, one TV and no I am not on Netflix/Amazon Prime/Sky or any other TV offering. I am rarely up to date on Global news and I certainly couldn't tell you what is no.1 in the UK music, book or film charts. Nor could I tell you what's en vogue this season or who is marrying/divorcing who in the world of celebrities.

So according to where most advertising in the Western World tells us we 'should be' I am failing on pretty much every count.

In fact listening to most people and their version of what success is and where they should be in life, I am real failure.

And yet even as a failure I feel calmer and happier than many of the 'successful people' I speak to.

I have a list of 'to do's as long as my arm just as they do. We both have ambitions, plans and yet I am feeling relaxed. They tell me how stressed, worked up and overwhelmed they are. How they often experience anxiety or panic attacks. Yet they 'have it all' How can that be when they have what is defined by many as the successful life? How can I be a failure by so many others definition of success and yet feel happy?


I have my own definition of success. It's not set by others rules or values. It's not determined by their beliefs or needs. It's my definition. It's for me and it's not set in stone - yep I am even cheeky enough to change it!

It's very easy to end up following someone elses rules about life and how it 'should' be lived. I say listen to those rules and then ask yourself do those rules fit for me? Will they help or hinder me having the kind of lifestyle that I want?

It's not about making their definition right or wrong. Just simply ask yourself if it is working for you? If Yes, great carry on. If not then maybe it's worth you thinking about defining success for you.

If my definition was that I could only experience success as a woman if I was a mum then, I would still have to wait 9 months (if today was THE day!) until I could experience that success. And I want to experience success now. I don't want to have to wait 9 months!

So I define success for me today.

Doing what's on my list for today and of course making that as achievable as possible.

So how can you feel success ?...

...what is a helpful definition of success... for you?

.........How can you make it as accessible as possible for you to experience the sensation of success today?

...When you think you are failing, are you failing by your rules/standards or someone else's?....Either way, can you change the rules?

I ask because of the conversations I have had recently.

I am saddened by just how many people feel like they are failing and they are if they use the rules/standards set by the advertising world or other people. But when you set the rule/standards yourself by what is important to you, then you can feel different, more in control, ready for today and the next day.

Define success for you......please :-)

After all it's your life.

yours...successfully ;-) Jules

Jules Wyman

Confidence Coach ,

Hi, I'm Jules. I spent a decade as a professional hiding in the dark, backstage in various theatres and TV studios as a stage manager. It couldn't have been a more perfect metaphor for how I had lived the majority of my life. Keeping myself in the dark and as far out of the spotlight as possible! I lacked confidence and self belief in so many aspects of ME that I didn't want to 'be seen'. I hit rock bottom and thankfully discovered personal growth and more specifically coaching. Until that point I had thought it was just me that felt this way, lacked self belief and confidence. Now, I coach and teach the TRUTH about confidence helping others to stop pretending and start living with authentic confidence - none of the faking it stuff. There are layers and levels to uncovering authentic confidence, but if I can go from being a backstage bod to being on the BBC Breakfast TV sofa in 2014, well anyone can! What has interested me the most about past decade of discovery is just how many people let their lack of self confidence stop them from living life. Going for the things that they really want. Just how many people put their life on hold hoping that things will change and that their confidence will grow. It doesn't matter whether I have been working with a student looking to deliver a finals presentation or a CEO wanting to believe in themselves (yes they can lack confidence too) Or whether it is a parent looking to get back to work or someone looking for promotion. Confidence or rather the lack of it can manifest in multiple ways. Understanding its' complexities and simplicities is a thrill, both to learn and to share! Well for me :-) Please feel free to ask me questions, I'll happily answer them in a blog post, with holding names if required. Or maybe you'd like to suggest a specific area around confidence that you want to know more about. Do message me and let me know. And in the mean time I will share what I have learnt and the topics that come up with clients and delegates at talks and workshops! Enjoy and believe in yourself....your life depends on it! Jules