ACE'S HIGH and HIGH STAKES - overcoming Adverse Childhood Experiences

Are you one of the 67% who's had an Adverse Childhood Experience? These shape and restrict our future - but there IS a way to beat the odds!

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Life is a gamble - and for those of us who had Adverse Childhood Experiences it becomes even more so.

Research of 17,000 participants from 1995-97 looked at the link between the stress of childhood trauma, and the long-term physical and mental health, longevity and quality of life and social status.

It seems that the odds are greatly stacked against us the higher our A.C.E. score is out of 10.

These 10 types of adverse childhood experiences are:

  1. Recurring physical abuse.
  2. Contact sexual abuse.
  3. Recurring emotional abuse.
  4. Physical neglect.
  5. Emotional neglect.
  6. Loss of parent(s) – due to abandonment, separation, divorce or death.
  7. Family member in prison or in hospital long-term.
  8. Domestic violence.
  9. Alcohol and/or drug use in the household.
  10. Mental illness of a family member.(depression/suicidal thoughts)

At least 67% of people have an A.C.E. score of 1 and 25% have 4 or more.

It's no surprise then that about 25% of people seek professional psychological help.

Frustratingly, therapy with children is by nature restricted - unless it involves the broader and deeper family system.

I have a score of 6, which is quite high, but I hope I'm proof that things can be changed and predicted outcomes averted. In my case that took years (and several thousand pounds worth) of therapy, as well as extensive counselling and psychotherapy training.

I've taken the long route and can now offer people a 'short cut' (I could have done with one of those myself!)

We're probably all aware that the template for our adult lives was created in childhood, and that a lot of the time we react and behave without thinking, but instead from our programming and sub-conscious belief system.

This is resistant to being changed because it was created to keep you safe, and to toe the line, and follow the 'shoulds' that were imposed upon you. It felt as if your very survival (at least in emotional terms) depended upon you following this Script, and wearing the masks that the family expected of you.

This old programming affects how you've dealt with stress, later traumatic experiences, loss and grief, anticipated and feared rejection in relationships, and the way you in turn parent your children.

The good news is that with awareness things can start to improve and a high A.C.E. score no longer means fewer throws of life's dice.

When we chose to explore how we think, feel, speak, and behave - and more importantly the effect this has on people around us – then we can leave the gambling table with our pockets full of chips to share around!

I have created an acronym for the process we need to go through to recover from our A.C.E. score... S.E.L.E.C.T. Your Life.

S - Self Awareness

E – Education

L - Learning new skills

E – Emotional intelligence and balance

C – Control, clarity and choice

T – Transformation

My own approaches have this overarching aim and structure - to help you to move from being the victim of the whims of the dice to being the one who plays the table to your own advantage and becomes a winner!

Maxine Harley (MSc Psychotherapy) MIND HEALER & MENTOR WHERE YOU'LL FIND A PAGE OF FREE RESOURCES - to help you with your therapeutic self-development. And for those with a toxic parent you'll find a FREE e-booklet 'The S.H.I.E.L.D' to get you started on the path of healing and recovery. You will also find 5 online self-help courses - to help you to help yourself, your relationship, your children and your business/career - helping women to understand and manage their emotions, boundaries and behaviours... to FEEL better, so they can BE, DO and HAVE better in their lives - a series of 10 online self-help workshops to help you with different aspects of your life - changing the sub-conscious belief system or S.C.R.I.P.T. (c) Sub-Conscious-Rules-Influencing-Present-Time

Maxine Harley

MIND HEALER & MENTOR - Psychotherapist (MSc), Author, Columnist & Blogger. Please see and, S.E.L.E.C.T. Your Life Company Ltd.

I help women to FEEL better - so they can BE, DO and HAVE better! As a MIND HEALER I specialise in helping women to recover from a troubled childhood and toxic parents, to heal and transcend their emotional wounds, re-parent their inner child, and make peace with their past. This enables and empowers them to become better parents, partners, professionals - and all round happier calmer people :-) As a MENTOR I offer different levels of therapeutic self development - including MINDING YOUR BUSINESS, MINDING THE GAP, and MIND MASTERY...please discover more at