How comfortable are you being uncomfortable?

What’s the answer that automatically hits you in your belly?

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Up until recently I would have said to you … “Yeah I’m willing to be uncomfortable.”

I had evidence to prove that fact. I’d had really challenging conversations with my boss which had lead me to quit the best paid job I'd ever had, invest more than half my redundancy package and fly 11 hours, 4 times over 10 months to do a leadership training programme in the USA. I’d found associate work, rocked up at lots of new organisations and delivered coaching workouts often at really short notice with little preparation time. Then I’d gone cold turkey on the associate work to fly solo in my business.

Yes, I would have given the question a big fat YES.

But then I hit a block.

A big, uncomfortable, financially challenging block that made me play small and hide.

I retreated into my status quo. I didn’t push my edge. I didn’t play full out. I beat myself up. I thought about going back to employment. Hell, let’s be honest here, I dived under the duvet for a while and watched the whole 5 series of Breaking Bad on Netflix. And when I wasn't diving under the duvet I was trying and pushing far too hard.

I was stuck in a cycle and didn’t like it. I had to take my own medicine. I had to look at the space between knowing something and doing it. The only real choice was to surrender and let go. I had to feel into this space. I had to get out in nature, ask for help and be in community with like minded souls.

Over time whilst doing my inner work, something began to shift.

What did I learn?

  1. I’d got comfortable in my life. Whilst it was uncomfortable, the fear of doing something different was bigger than my frustration. I’d launched my business but I had to take it to a different level and suddenly I had to BE different to make that happen. It wasn't about trying harder it was about being more of myself. I had to be real and visible.
  2. To be visible as my true self I had to do some deep inner healing work. There was a huge part of me that was scared I'd get rejected. laughed at and judged. Fear was triggering old childhood patterns. I was reacting as I did as a child with people pleasing, approval seeking and hiding my truth and light. I chose fitting in over standing out and that was making me blend into the background in my business.
  3. Listening to others opinions and making comparisons fuelled my doubts. I saw how each time I doubted the path I was taking, I'd look around and see what others were doing. This act of looking around always undermined my confidence. I had to learn to stay in my own lane. I unplugged and being in nature was a huge part of that. I learnt to trust my own guides and pay attention to my energy.
  4. Love isn't fluffy or trite. I've been on such a journey with love. I used to think it was all soft and nebulous and I never saw the connection between love and business. But the truth is, healing our own wounds is what gives us the capacity to develop intimacy and deepen relationships. We stop defaulting to old patterns of hustling for worthiness and learn to take charge of our brilliance.

Most of us are good at building boxes within us. We see ourselves in a certain light and then when we get trapped inside them, it’s not until the frustration outweighs the fear that we seek help, take charge and do something about it.

I’ve recently created a new 7 Day Unstick Your Mindset Challenge. It’s completely different to anything I’ve done before. There are videos, a guided meditation and action steps to help you get unstuck.

If you're finding that you're stuck in self defeating patterns and would like to take charge and create a new experience for yourself, jump in to this complimentary adventure .... because the magic really does happen on outside your comfort zone

Vanessa Anstee

Life Coach

I'm inspired by who you can be without apology and I want to help you let your real self shine. I've been a life coach for 10 years. I've always been a seeker trying to discover a way of being in life that feels soulful, authentic and aligned to what my heart wants not what my head thinks I should have, be or do. I spent 20+ year career in HR, OD, talent management and executive coaching. My kids were my biggest wake up. I saw the way I was working wasn't working anymore. I couldn't keep pushing myself harder. I had to accept I couldn't attain this perfected version of myself that I had strived most of my life to achieve. I had to find love not from accolades and other people's acceptance but from deep inside me. That's when I learnt to connect to my heart, heal my childhood wounds and fears of never being enough and set light to my passion in a completely new way. I want one thing for my clients. Be real. Be themselves, fall madly in love with that person and honour their soul's calling.


Go to the profile of Sonja Ramos
over 6 years ago
GREAT article Vanessa and I could seriously relate!
Go to the profile of Sylvia Brown
over 6 years ago
Loved your article truly resonated with me!