A Sustainable Model for Achieving Happiness & Success.

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Something I’ve been thinking about quite a bit lately is how results driven we are as humans. 

It’s the first thing we ask each other, “What do you do?”. A lot of it is unconscious and just so ingrained in our language and society, but there’s also an aspect that is very much conscious, where we feel pressure to strive for results. 

I’m not saying that having goals and working towards stuff is a bad thing, I think it’s great.

What I do think is important though is to be aware of what your primary focus is. I have found that when my focus is primarily on getting results I feel stress and pressure to attain something. In these moments the likelihood of me going into self-doubt and low self-worth increases dramatically.

I look at other people getting results and think, “What are they doing that I’m not?” or I hear them speak about what they do and how they do it and start thinking that maybe I should be doing it that way too. I get down on myself for “doing it wrong”. 

This is all BS!

It partly happens because a lot of online “gurus” say things like, “If you’re not doing it this way, you’re doing it wrong.” I get why they use this type of language, because for them this particular way has worked out. But there are a million different conflicting pieces of advice and strategy out there. So if there are so many people achieving success in so many different ways, it stands to reason that there’s no “right” way, there’s only the way that works for you. 

“Ok great, but how do I know what way works for me?” 

Well I’m glad you asked because I’m gonna tell you :) . Another thing I have found is that I operate in different modes… 

One mode is the learning mode, when I’m in this mode I’m looking at people I vibe with and learning how they do things, I’m soaking in their way of thinking and their strategies and making sense of it in my mind. 

The second mode is the contemplating mode. This mode is SUPER IMPORTANT! The reason for this is that if you go straight from learning mode which is looking to the external, into action mode which is another external mode, you skip out the part where you see if it really fits you.

Contemplating mode is all about looking within, asking yourself if it feels right to you, if it makes sense to your core values and what’s important to you, the things that make you uniquely you, then listening to your intuition for the answer. 

If I could go back and give my younger self some sage advice it would be to get familiar with my intuition and trust it above all else!

Then of course there's the action mode where you take what you’ve learned, filter it through your intuition and make it happen. 

For me this is so important because when I go into my intuition I tap back into what it’s all about which is joy. A great way to break it down in the contemplative stage is to ask yourself, “If I didn’t need to think about money, security or failure, what would I want to do? What would I choose to do? What would bring me the most joy?” 

What would bring me the most joy? - This is probably the most important question you could ask yourself!

I’ve been listening to a podcast interview with an actor/writer/director and what I loved about listening to him speak about his success and life in general was that at some point he became aware of this very important question. 

He had really fond memories of his childhood with his brother and what he does now as an adult is make choices that allow him to hold onto / recreate the carefree joy he felt as a child. 

I think this is a really important thing for all of us to do if we want to achieve happiness and fulfilment. Remember a time in your life where you were full of joy and make choices everyday to bring as much of that into your life as possible. 

Come back to joy, come back to you and don’t concern yourself too much with how other people are doing things. If you practice this your happiness and success will be more sustainable and fulfilling.

Amy Shefik

Happiness Coach, The Fierce Flamingo

I help people navigate their way through the challenges and expectations of being a grown up in modern society, whilst building happiness, self-worth and having more fun.