What do you need to forgive?

When we forgive we let go, heal and self empower

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If we don’t forgive we can’t heal …

I’m seeing this in the work I’m doing with the gorgeous Elizabeth McKenzie on my business. Since starting to work with her at the end of December I’ve been de-cluttering and releasing, aligning my head and heart, the masculine and feminine energies.

It’s been painful and cathartic.

It’s the kind of pain that feels like a tight squeeze in your head. I’ve been holding on, clinging to perspectives that don’t serve me and it’s been huge to have someone hold me accountable to my biggest vision possible and highest self.

My heart has never lied to me, it’s guided me to my truth but my head has got in the way many times.

I’ve kept them separate and I’ve ended up in internal battles where I struggle to know what my truth really is.

As I stand centred in my new tagline “Live your courageous life now,” I can see how the only way to claim this is to forgive and heal.

What am I forgiving?

In short… myself.

I’ve held on to lots of stuck perspectives …

“The best way to thrive as a coach is to work with corporations.”

It’s my background right? I’m good at it. And yet it’s not enough for me. My heart isn’t fully in it. It’s a scared perspective based on what I knew in my past corporate life and what felt uncomfortably safe.

You should have got this earlier.”

Another scared perspective that believes on some level that it’s too late for me. This one would involve a painful and tormenting conversation in my head about how slow I was to catch on.

“Who are you to talk about courage when you get scared just like the rest of us?”

This one would get me caught up in the old imposter syndrome drama. I’d believe I needed to perfect myself before I could claim this work.

So, I’m forgiving myself for plugging into these thought forms that had me give away my power and disbelieve my heart.

I’m forgiving myself for not self-validating and empowering earlier. And suddenly what happens as if by magic is I start to see how everything is progress. Without these experiences I really couldn’t do what I do. Without my old story of disempowerment, I couldn’t claim a new one of courage and empowerment.

What am I plugging into instead?

Four things …

  • I am powerful
  • I believe in myself
  • Everything is unfolding as it is intended.
  • Time is my friend

I’ve them set up as reminders on my iphone and they pop up at different points during the day. They’re gorgeous reminders to get present to my heart and my courageous truth.

And when I get stuck I ask myself this question, “What would courage do here?”

That propels me right back into my vision. It pulls me up short and it simplifies everything.

If you’re on the edge of something …

Start with asking yourself, “What do I need to forgive to allow energy to flow?”

Maybe you’ve held on to being mad at someone else for too long.

Or perhaps you’ve believed something all your life that you now know isn’t true

Maybe you’ve thought the world was a scary place that you had to fight.

Or perhaps you’ve thought you weren’t allowed to be yourself.

As soon as you let this go and release it, you’ll feel a spaciousness and freedom return. You start to find faith, hope and optimism is renewed. You begin to let go of trying to control everything and start cultivating faith in the magical unfolding.

If you begin to believe in yourself, you’ll start to let go and you’ll notice all sorts of opportunities and connections around you. Because you’re no longer locked in a perspective that’s not serving you.

Vanessa Anstee

Life Coach

I'm inspired by who you can be without apology and I want to help you let your real self shine. I've been a life coach for 10 years. I've always been a seeker trying to discover a way of being in life that feels soulful, authentic and aligned to what my heart wants not what my head thinks I should have, be or do. I spent 20+ year career in HR, OD, talent management and executive coaching. My kids were my biggest wake up. I saw the way I was working wasn't working anymore. I couldn't keep pushing myself harder. I had to accept I couldn't attain this perfected version of myself that I had strived most of my life to achieve. I had to find love not from accolades and other people's acceptance but from deep inside me. That's when I learnt to connect to my heart, heal my childhood wounds and fears of never being enough and set light to my passion in a completely new way. I want one thing for my clients. Be real. Be themselves, fall madly in love with that person and honour their soul's calling.