I'm off to join the Hyster-Sisters

On being made 'open plan'

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So after three and half years of pain, discomfort and general crappy health, D-Day or should I say H-Day is nearly here. Monday to be precise. After the medical contingency finally announced I had a uterus resembling an incendiary device (I have a condition called Adenomyosis) I made the decision to have it removed. Get it out. Be away with it. And that time is now. Well nearly now.

It’s not a decision I reached easily or with any particular dignity I’m afraid. I’ve cried, I’ve sulked, I’ve moaned and I’ve been scared. There are so many ‘what if’s’ that go along with losing a part of your body. And this particular part of my body goes a good way to making me a female. So what does that mean for me?

Actually it can mean anything I want it to mean. It can be a hugely terrifying scary negative monster of a thing or it can be a wonderfully positive, start of my life again thing. I’m trying to be brave and focus on the latter. However it does throw up some interesting questions, some of which have made me reassess my own feelings about my body, my life and the intricate machinations of the human body itself.

Such as:

A, Will I balloon up from uncontrollable weight gain following the op (as a former anorexic it’s a very real fear)

B, What will happen to the eggs after I ovulate? – I’m keeping my ovaries, so where do they go? Will they just fall out of me whilst I’m walking along?

C, Will I go in to the op looking like me i.e a relatively ‘normal’ 43 year old woman and wake up looking like Les Dawson in drag?

D, Will I ever feel sexually alluring again. Does sexual attraction vanish when the organs do too?

E, Will I suddenly feel a huge sense of loss knowing I will never be able to have babies again despite having two beautiful children already and in no way ever wanting to have a third.

Not necessarily rational I know but this is a time in my life I’m allowing myself not to be. So I’ll see you in a few weeks and get back to you on the above. In the mean time I will try and be stoic and graceful like my hyster-heroine Angelina Jolie (not quite the same op but near enough to make me feel better. Why? Who knows)

Right - I’m off to be knocked through and made open plan in the lady bits department

See you soon

Susannah Hebden


Person centred/existential counsellor, stylist, mum of two, adoptee