Why forgiving the one who hurt you the deepest will allow you to step into the woman you are yet to become

​“Self-love for me constitutes self-forgiveness first and foremost, because until I have forgiven myself for things that happened in the past, from baggage that has come from the past, it is very difficult to move forward” Joanne Muturi

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“Self-love for me constitutes self-forgiveness first and foremost, because until I have forgiven myself for things that happened in the past, from baggage that has come from the past, it is very difficult to move forward” Joanne Muturi, from the film ’10 things you need to know to love yourself today’

Most of us carry some form of guilt with us through life, no-one is perfect. We’ve all made mistakes, messed up, not behaved as well as we would have hoped – but it’s time to put that guilt down and forgive ourselves for being human and not always knowing what best to do.

We deserve the recognition of not being perfect, to really deeply feel that it’s OK not to be perfect, it’s OK to mess up, it’s OK to have held on to past resentment, it’s OK not be as sensitive to a situation or person as we’d have hoped – that we are learning every single step of the way through this life.

Here’s the thing.

I had a conversation with Joanne Muturi on a Facebook LIVE – a deeper conversation about her journey to self-love than we had time to go into in the actual film. And what she said is beautiful.

She had a conversation with another woman who blatantly tore down the way she looked - and it was a conversation that she will never forget – it impacted on her life in every way possible.  Slowly eating away at her and impacting on the decisions she was making about all kinds of things.

I asked – ‘At what point did you know you had to forgive yourself (and the woman)’ and she said it was when we realised that holding onto that conversation and the hurt that came with it, was blocking her movement forward, her success, her happiness...her future growth!

She realised through journaling (the free flow writing out of all your thoughts, as they come, in no particular order) that this woman was at the heart of her not having the confidence to fully grow into herself and accept the success she was due.

It hit her right there and then, she knew she had to forgive that woman and forgive herself for taking it forward and for taking her comments so deeply into her being, that she had allowed herself to be defined by them.

So this is what she did. She wrote her a letter, she explained how her words had hurt her, but also that she forgave her and lastly – which took come courage – she ended the letter with ‘I love you’.

In her FaceBook LIVE with me, she admitted that the page was wet through from her tears by the time she’d finished writing that letter. When it was dry, she tore it up and burned it.  That was the beginning of forgiving herself and the other woman.

Such a powerful thing to do and it has allowed Joanne to really fully step into who she is, believe in herself and be able to say out loud ‘I am enough!’.  Since then, Joanne has overcome a life threatening illness, rearranged just about every single part of her life including her job – she has gone from working for the UN to becoming a coach with an extremely loyal following, she got married and moved countries – now living in the UK.

We each deserve to forgive ourselves, to know that as we learn and grow and shape ourselves, we handle EVERYTHING to be best of our ability at that very moment in time.

Forgiving yourself is not a luxury, it’s one of the pathways to self-love and now is the time to start a fresh page, move on, develop and learn from our past.

You are developing the woman you are yet to become.  Self-forgiveness is part of that journey. Start today with our blessing.

Download your FREE copy of '10 things you need to know to love yourself today'by the stars of our film and start right away - your time is now!


Lynette Allen

Ceremony holder, Ritualista, Writer & lover of sacred plant medicine Cacao, A Woman's Blessing

Lynette Allen is a modern day medicine woman, using the sacred plant medicine Cacao, ritual and meditation to bring alignment to source and grounding to earth, for her and her clients. Her 20 year career has seen her write 4 books (her 5th to be released soon), she is a TV/Radio presenter, broadcaster and international speaker on the rise of the feminine (for corporates and the good of the earth). She currently lives on the edge of the jungle in Bali with her husband Mark and youngest daughter Livvie aged 7. She is also mum to Rosi and Nanny to Rhoda and Mac


Go to the profile of Joanne Muturi
about 4 years ago
Thanks Lynette for sharing this. We need to learn to forgive ourselves as easily as we forgive others. With self-forgiveness, we are then able to move on and love to be the fullest expression of ourselves.