One size fits all? You must be kidding!

Apparently the 'one size fits all' mantra only applies if you are a *small* size...

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Shape control underwear is intended to control your shape, yes? Now I do realise that even the skinniest of minnies might have wobbly bits that they want to tame, but I'm pretty sure that the majority of women looking to disguise their bulges are going to be in the larger size range - say 16 and up?

I'm a size 14-16 and boy do I have wobbly bits. I also see no reason for size being a barrier to decently styled undies, preferably with a retro look. Let's face it, old fashioned suspenders look better for a bit of flesh being squeezed into them (that is my excuse and I am sticking to it. Pass the cake). So when this corset/girdle/foundation layer thing turned up on a Wowcher deal, I was genuinely tempted:

Except that it turned out to be one of those godawful 'one size fits all' things. NO, ONE SIZE DOES NOT FIT ALL! And the reason that one size does not 'fit all' is because there might be upwards of five stone difference (minimum) in the weight of two women who would equally like to wear that thing. Even the ad didn't attempt to stand by what it said, given that the small print actually read 'UK 8-14'.

Shaping garments are, by necessity, tight fitting. Therefore I have my doubts that it even covers those size ranges properly. It's either going to be loose - and therefore pointless - on the size 8 woman, or pretty much cutting off the circulation of the poor bugger who takes a 14.

What about the people who might actually want something to hold them in? A woman my size or larger is more likely to actual appreciate this thing, no? Yet so many items like this are sold in restricted size options. Only this morning there was an offer on what I thought was a really nice bikini, again through Wowcher:

Guess what? It only comes in sizes 8 - 14. Okay, so there's no obligation on the part of any company to produce particular sizes, but come on - how many potential customers are they missing out on by not doing bigger sizes? I would have absolutely bought that in the black colourway, because it's in a style that is particularly flattering to wobbly bits. But fatties apparently need not apply.

Yes yes, I know there's plenty of other places to buy from. But don't be kidding me that one size fits all, because if it did I would theoretically be able to squeeze my arse into both that corset and bikini (in fact I'd need one in order to get into the other, I reckon).

And dear god, I'm pretty sure the world is not ready for that.

Violet x

Twitter: @violetfenn

Violet Fenn

Writer, eroticist, purveyor of the portfolio career. Rants about growing old (dis)gracefully at, Twitter: @violetfenn

A fruity blend of sex advice and pro-ageing rants. I write chart-topping erotica as Indigo Moore - 'Satisfaction', my anthology of short stories, is available now on Amazon: