My Business, Your business

Knowing what is my business and what is your business saves a whole load of stress: can you do it?

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I love the work of Byron Katie, it is so simple and so, so powerful.

She talks about the importance of knowing the difference between:

  • My business
  • Your business and
  • God's business.

I am excellent at pointing out to P when I think he is dabbling in my business.  When he argues about the merits of brown v white bread I tell him it is none of his business what I eat, he can eat white bread it he likes, it is none of my business, but neither is it any of his if I eat brown.

I'm also very smug about when he comments on what other people think about the world. 'What they think, is none of your business' I say.

The only reason 'my business' might be worthy of argument or action is when it impacts on 'his business'. So if I were to declare white bread unacceptable in our house, then I am stepping into his business.  If I demanded that he join in any of my rituals (like making the end of year photobook) he might be able to justify comment as my business would be getting in the way of his.  However, to declare rituals 'stupid', I think, is none of his business if it doesn't impact on him, which they don't.

  • How do you and the people in your life get into each other's business?
  • Do you need to?
  • Is it helpful to?

It drives me mad when he comments on my business, especially when it is business I feel strongly about (like rituals, brown bread and the right for people to believe what they like as long as it does no harm to themselves, others or the world). How dare he? Who does he think he is to pass judgement? It is just NONE OF HIS BUSINESS.

And then, today, after one such exchange, the penny dropped....

...that what he thinks about my business, is none of my business.

If he wants to think white bread is as good as brown - that's his business.

If he thinks rituals are silly- that's his business.

If he vehemently disagrees with what some people believe - that's his business... long as he does no harm to anyone or anything else...which he doesn't.

What he thinks about what I think is none of my business...he's entitled to his business it to focus on what I think about my opinion.

If I keep my nose out of his business (his liking of white bread, his disliking of ritual and his intolerance of some beliefs) then I will be happier as I can't change him anyway so why waste the energy making it my business/

Instead I can use that energy to focus on what is my business which includes what I eat (brown bread), what I do (create rituals sometimes) and what I believe so that I can live I life which  feels right to me, rather than one which is reacting to what he, or anyone else may think about it.

My business is my business (as long as I don't harm myself, him, anyone else or the world) .

His business is his business(as long as he doesn't harm me, anyone else or the world) .

It is none of his business what I think or do or believe (as long as I don't harm him, anyone else or the world)

It is none of my business, what he thinks of my business (as long as he doesn't harm me, anyone else or the world).

That's clear then.

  • List all the things that are your business and nobody else's
  • List all the things that are his/hers/their business and not yours
  • List all the things that he/she/they think is their business - how can you gently tell them to butt out?
  • List all the things that you think are your business but which really are none of your business. How can you mind your own business?

Good luck and have a good weekend.

Julie Leoni

Regenerative living coach, author, podcaster, facilitator, educator, Dr

Business as usual is no longer possible.  We need to dramatically shift how we think and live in order that the planet and all those people we share it with as well as our children's children, flourish.  This is the time of the Great Turning (Joanna Macy) and each of us can play our part in tipping life towards health and well-being for all.

Finding your thing or things can be the most radical thing you can do for your own well-being and for the well-being of the planet.

Work with me to create a life where your energy, health, social connection and emotional and social well-being are not just sustained, but improve, regeneratively. 

I am an author, educator and researcher who coaches individuals and organisations to find more regenerative ways of living and working in order to support the health of all peoples, the more than human world and future generations.

My work is based on wisdom from indigenous people, science, and my own direct relationship with people and the more than human world which have taught me about the interconnectedness of all things, and our dependency on each other for well-being.

There are more things to measure than income and status so let's start creating the world we want our grandchildren to live in.  It starts here and it starts now with each of us, daily.  

Get in touch to have a conversation.

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