What that cheap throw-away comment REALLY means!

'Look after yourself' we say it all the time, but this is what it REALLY means

Like Comment

Today I want to write about the self. Your ‘self’. And I want you to take a moment to just consider this. That ‘you’ and the ‘self’ within you are separate. I see the ‘self’ within me as a kind of glowing energy.  And it’s very different from the outer shell that you all see and know as Lynette. It is my ‘self’. It holds the very essence of my being – some would call it their ‘soul’ maybe. I call it my ‘self’.

For me, in order to operate as those around me have become accustomed to (as I have taught them, and I have taught them of course, what to expect of this outer shell called Lynette), I need to consider the ‘self’ within.

For the self within me, is with me in my private moments, my quiet moments, at night. I can’t see it but I can feel it.

In order for the outer me to be able to function as ‘Lynette’, the ‘self’ within me MUST feel absolutely lovely, full of love, all full up on joy and peace and calm. I work on it daily to fill it up, I notice when it’s depleting or leaking or when outside influences are threatening it.

Without the ‘self’ being listened to and understood and deeply calm or deeply joyous (whichever I choose it to be), the outer me cannot operate as I have programmed those around me to expect.

The outer me is human, it’s my body, my flesh, my muscles, I speak with its operation, I move, I get things, I write things, I create things and I do those things with love and passion – because I have given my inner ‘self’ love and passion.

My inner ‘self’ is my guide

My inner ‘self’ is my guide, it’s my rhythm, it’s the energy that flows through me and with that energy, my outer Lynette can bring its glow into the world.

My self hasn’t always been full of love and passion. Many a time in my life (sometimes for just a few days, sometimes for months), my inner self has been a vague shimmer that I couldn’t even quite see anymore. Sometimes, it’s been so slim and small and barely even just there – that my outer Lynette has had to carry on, on its own!

It’s carried on doing what it has taught other people to expect of me, but without love and without passion instead, with emptiness, a going-through-the-motion energy, a lost look on my face, in my eyes, in my body language that some, I remember, years ago, cleverly picked up on.

My outer body struggled to function

I felt it. My ‘self’ was barely even there. And I felt like I was dying. And I wanted it back. My outer body struggled to function. No-one knew of course, because the outer shell of a human can withstand much.

It fakes well,  it runs – somehow – through grief, panic, worry, stress – it functions – to a point. But that’s all it does - function.  It is what’s inside that needs to be nurtured I’ve found.

Not the body so much. The body can withstand, can operate on auto pilot.

My ‘self’ however, it needed me.

The self needs love, nurturing, kindness, it needs recognition, it needs to be brought to life and that’s where the body CAN help –the mind is capable of bringing the ‘self’ back to life. And there’s the thing. The mind is the only thing can truly bring the ‘self’ back to life. It’s internal. No amount of outside physical help, offering, niceness, smiles, love, attention or gifts can bring ones ‘self’ back, intermittently maybe. But if you’re looking outside for someone else to bring your ‘self’ back. You’re looking in the wrong place. They have their own ‘self’ to concentrate on. You have yours.

You see the self is yours

You look after it. It relies on you to grow it and love it and nurture it, as much as your outer physical body relies on it to breathe love and passion into everything it does.

The ‘self’ must always come first. It’s a vital organ not yet fully understood. You can’t see it. It cannot be operated on. Drugs won’t fix it. Beauty won’t touch it. Only you. 

And only you from the inside.

‘Self’ reflection. ‘Self’ empowerment

The self needs those things – it’s air, sunlight and breath to the self and denying that will diminish it – to the point that your outer body will lose its joy. Your eyes will lose their sparkle. You’ll feel lost.

You have the power over your ‘self’ and you’re the only one who has that power. You have the power to grow it with your mind or you have the power to let the outside negative stuff seep into your mind and let it shrink the ‘self’.

Be careful with your ‘self’. Put your ‘self’ first. Empower your ‘self’. You can do it. I’ve done it. The women who have put themselves through our workshops have done it. Hundreds, thousands, millions of people on this earth, past and present have done it.

Once you really get that your ‘self’ is yours – you look after it, you then understand the power you (and only you) have to work with it. Treat it well, give it food (for thought), give it space, give it the medicine it needs – natural medicine.

Other people’s ‘selves’ are theirs to look after, not yours

To put your own self on hold, to make it wait, to ignore it, to think for one second that it can be forgotten, so that you can put your energies into helping someone else's ‘self’ is perhaps one of the biggest myths I’ve seen in the women I have mentored, coached, touched with my work. For a woman, one of the biggest downfalls is that she will willingly sacrifice her own ‘self’ for the self of others – in particular her children, her partner, her parents.

Note this. They have their own divine, magical, spiritual selves – they have their own. Theirs does not need your attention. Yours does. And if you empower them to look after their own selves, then you’ll re’mind’ your own mind to look after yours.

Self reflection.  Self empowerment it’s called. An overused word perhaps but don’t forget what that word really means. Use the outside world as stimulus to trigger it, like heart massage, electrical impulse, something to jolt it back – to stimulate thoughts, questions, memories, yearnings, inspiration. Your ‘self’ needs that stuff!

The outside world provides incredible stimulus

Sun, animals, air, the beach, the woods, peace, noise, laughter, good food (and I don’t mean cheap sugary sh*t to over stimulate and de-sensitize you, I mean good good natural food).

The outside world provides people, ideas, friendships, love, adventure, new beginnings, opportunity – use that as stimulus for the work you do on your ‘self’. 

Go out. Find those people, find those places, where do people who are ‘your’ people hang out?

Where could you get that inspiration from, that soul food, that ‘self’ food?

Take those conversations, what you hear, what it triggered in you and bring it back into you. Find somewhere quiet. Find the stimulus your ‘self’ needs to grow, and then integrate it, think it into being, fill it up, help it to brim over with positivity, to burst through you – to light your path and make it so strong that it lights others a little bit too, for that’s the only thing you can do for the selves of others. Light YOUR path so well that some of that light shines into theirs so THEY can use it as ignition.

This is what looking after your ‘self’ really means. That cheap throw away comment when we leave someone or sign off from a note or email – ‘look after yourself’.

That’s what it really means.

Do that today.

Look after yourself.



If you're a female entrepreneur, you might want to look after your 'entrepreneurial-self' with her FREE training access it by checking out www.lynettesmagic.co.uk

Lynette Allen

Ceremony holder, Ritualista, Writer & lover of sacred plant medicine Cacao, A Woman's Blessing

Lynette Allen is a modern day medicine woman, using the sacred plant medicine Cacao, ritual and meditation to bring alignment to source and grounding to earth, for her and her clients. Her 20 year career has seen her write 4 books (her 5th to be released soon), she is a TV/Radio presenter, broadcaster and international speaker on the rise of the feminine (for corporates and the good of the earth). She currently lives on the edge of the jungle in Bali with her husband Mark and youngest daughter Livvie aged 7. She is also mum to Rosi and Nanny to Rhoda and Mac


Go to the profile of Work experience
over 4 years ago
Thanks Lynette. Great post. x