"3 feel good reasons why other women need to know how YOU overcame adversity"
We are ALL powerful in our own right, with access to everything we need to overcome adversity....sometimes we just need to be reminded by those who have forged before us
So *Sara had a disruptive and violent childhood. Mental abuse was rife in the house, with a step mother who loved her own children yet hated her. I was silent as I heard her story over the phone. I had no words. Her teenage years were steeped in drug addictions, prison, alcohol abuse and choosing he wrong boyfriends. YET – now she is one of the most grounded women, with a family of her own and she is choosing love and kindness and beauty. She is clean, she’s been through counselling, she cut contact with old crowds and forged a new path in life. Her upbringing will not define her I was told.
This case was harsh, this woman has LIVED! (Yes in capital letters!) Not all the stories I hear are so dramatic, by comparison at least.
Normal women, normal lives, divorces, miscarriages, debt, illness, depression, grief, panic attacks – when women know instinctively that they need to change their lives.
I too have been subject to that. A marriage that I was so happy in for many years turned into the place I needed to leave. To break down a home, to divide belongings, pets, cars – everything that makes for a ‘perfect’ family/couple. For a while it was panicky, stressy, worrying – I was in shock that this had happened and that I had fallen out of love. It came as a complete surprise and I changed everything, I had no choice, I told people at the time I thought I would die if I didn’t leave. Dramatic but true.
And for most of those months I was silent. I told no-one. I was confused, I was in shock, I didn’t want to make a mistake, break hearts on a whim. I had to go inside of me and toil in that hurt, pain, grief and utter confusion.
Afterwards I was able to voice it, I was able to find the words, to make sense of it, to explain it – to help other women going through difficult times. Not with my advice hell no! But with the knowing and the trusting that EVERYTHING falls into place – always. And it does.
And we need to hear stories like these. Because right now, as you read this blog, there are women out there who are struggling. And they are silent. They believe themselves to have no power over their lives. They don’t appreciate yet the incredible strength they have within them. Right now, they cannot talk, they may not know what to say, they may not be able to articulate what’s happening and also they believe themselves to be alone with their shame and worry.
When women who have been through life’s disasters and shocks and when they have reached the other side and things have settled and they turned out better, stable and calm once more, it’s so important for them to speak up.
And here’s why. Our experiences and stories of overcoming adversity have 3 effects on the women who listen;
- When they listen to YOUR story, they’ll see elements of themselves in you – you’ll give them a reflection of themselves. They’ll see subtle similarities in your story, your words, your emotions – they will feel you, connect with you and they will remember. People learn by hearing stories and by hearing yours, in the moments when they most need to breathe in hope for their own situation, they will remember how you overcame adversity – you’ll be giving them hope and inspiration.
- If you’re able to break down what it is that you did – step-by-step – during those difficult times, then other women will be able to forge their steps – one by one – using your stairwell as a blue print. They will come up with their own step-by-step towards happiness, success, relief, love and stability AND actually when women grow, they will pay it forward. Your story will be told again and again.
- By telling your story, it breaks down the seemingly massive gap between those of us who are happy, stable, wealthy and free and those of us who are worried and struggling and in debt and stuck. When life shows you the latter – being able to be free, happy, stable seems unattainable but when we hear real life stories of how women have got from A to B, we know there is a path. Those get out clauses we kid ourselves with such as ‘It’s ok for her, she has money’, ‘She’s always had an easy life’, ‘I bet she had a perfect upbringing’ – it slashes those lies we tell ourselves, the excuses that keep us stuck and it makes us all one. Because we are one. Every one of us is the same and when we KNOW that, we also know we have opportunity that we just aren’t seeing.
So what can we do for each other? What can women do to REALLY support each other? Be real. Share our stories. Break down our personal processes of forging our own way so that others have something to hold on to when their personal resources are at an all time low. And best of all to tell of the beauty of the other side – when things DO slot into place (as they always do) and when plans DO work and when businesses ALMOST slide into receivership and got saved at the very last minute but inspiration and trust and miracles!
Women….hear this, we are all in this together, we are all the same, it doesn’t matter what skin colour you have, what clothes you wear, how much you earn, how big your thighs are, how many stretch marks you have – it doesn’t matter AT ALL.
We are all powerful in our own right. Each one of us has a human right to wield the powerful and influence over our own lives. We are all influential, experienced, brave, strong, incredible women who have lived, survived something, taken deep breaths and trusted ourselves.
The world needs more naked stories, free from gloss so we can give ourselves a break, pat ourselves on the back, hold our own hands in times of despair and know – with all of our hearts that everything will unequivocally be just fine.
Lynette Allen is an Author, Broadcaster, Coach/Mentor to female Entrepreneurs and Creator of Her Invitation, the female empower company who reminds women just how powerful & influential they really are. She currently has a FREE quiz for you to see if YOU are ready to empower women at www.amireadytoempowerwomen.co.uk
(*made up name of client)