Mark asked us o Move on...from an emotional tie
So sorry for the radio silence... its been exam time and every free minute was taken up with revision or reading up on Chinese Medicine... it's not like I haven't been thinking about you guys and the wake up movement.
Mark , the skeleton staff are back sailing the ghost ship .. I had a long think about this challenge of letting something emotional go. Ever since I’ve moved in with B the destuffication has continued, I’m still taking a bag of things to charity each week, I’m moving books I’ve read on, I’m throwing away things which are not used or are pretty. Still, sometimes I feel like our little house is closing in on me but sometimes,just sometimes, I feel zen and super organised. Anyway…back to the challenge. When my Dad died my Mam and sisters were quick to clear out his stuff, I’m a little more measured and would have liked some time to consider. As a gift Mam gave me his favourite red tie. It now sits tied an old teddy with a picture of Dad next to it and it just well it’s just something to say hello to. What they didn’t know was from the bin I retrieved his pillow which he laid his head on and the blanket which kept him warm to the very end. The blanket was brown, well used and bobbled and not the nicest of blankets. But you see it was my connection to him and it smelled of him. I took it home and had them on the sofa with me for a week and then I stored them under my own bed with my other bedding and each time I went into the ottoman to retrieve a clean sheet or duvet I would stroke and smell and have a sad moment thinking of my Dad’s final days. A few weeks later my son was having some friends over for a sleepover and not knowing the significance of the pillow used it for his friends to sleep on. I was horrified, but still looking back very raw from his death but it broke the spell of the pillow. Over three years since his death and I know felt ready to get rid of the blanket, every time I saw it there snuggled among my own bedding, it just made me sad as it reminded me of the dark days when my dad was very sick and not the good smiley days. I took some scissors with me in the car and I was going to cut a piece to keep, still reluctant to let go.. but in the end I put it whole in the clothes bank. Letting go, acceptance, he's gone but he lives within me everyday and I hope the way I live my life would make him proud of me.