Expectations VS Values.

Feeling stressed out? This could be why. Check out what replacing expectations with values can do for your happiness and success.

Like Comment

A requirement of being a personal development enthusiast and an entrepreneur is to always keep learning and growing. One of the ways I do this is to read, and I read a lot! Luckily I love it so it doesn’t feel like a chore.

I wanted to share some insights I’ve gained recently from some of the awesome books I have been reading…

We need to replace our expectations with values.

Take a moment now to think about the source of the majority of the stress you feel in your everyday life. I am willing to bet that most of it comes from the pressure you feel to live up to certain expectations. With expectation comes judgement and we human beings are really good at being overly critical and judgemental of ourselves.

Oftentimes these expectations are things we’ve learned from parents, teachers, friends and society in general. We then internalise them, and through our fear of being judged by others we become our own harshest judge. With so many high standards and expectations it’s no wonder we feel stressed out and afraid to put ourselves out there and try something new.

This is something that we’ve been trained to do from a really young age, so as we get older we become so used to it that we don’t realise we’re doing it. Thats right - we’re doing it. Most of the time other people aren’t worried about what we’re doing because they’re way too busy worrying about and judging themselves. Which means that the only real source of stress is coming from ourselves and the expectations we’ve taken on and started to believe.

It’s easy to get swept away with these expectations and think of them as fact and the way that we should be living our lives or things that we should be achieving. After all it’s like second nature to us at this point, we’ve been believing them our whole lives.

I am here today to tell you that it is imperative to your success and happiness that you replace these expectations with values.

When we replace judgement with inspiration and empowerment we get a whole lot more done and have a whole lot more fun!

Here’s an example:

Expectation: “I should be better at this.”

Feelings you get as a result of believing this expectation: Shame, stress, worthlessness, depression and unworthiness.

Value: “I value my efforts and progress so far. I am committed to continuing to improve and I know I will only get better.”

Feelings you get as a result of believing this value: Satisfaction, confidence, inspiration, excitement, enthusiasm and productiveness.

It’s literally the difference between positive and negative, stress and empowerment, gratitude and ingratitude, and inspiration and depression.

I hope you can see how important it is to turn your awareness onto these expectations and how they’re stopping you from reaching happiness and success. They can stop you from listening to your intuition and going for your dreams. Don’t let them! Pay attention and shift your focus because you’re the one focussing on the expectations in the first place whether you know it or not. You can absolutely choose to change your focus.

And everyday, the world will drag you by the hand, yelling, “This is important! And this is important! And this is important! You need to worry about this! And this! And this!” And each day it is up to you to yank your hand back, put it on your heart and say, “No. This is what’s important.” - Iain Thomas.

Amy Shefik

Happiness Coach, The Fierce Flamingo

I help people navigate their way through the challenges and expectations of being a grown up in modern society, whilst building happiness, self-worth and having more fun.