How Can I Stop Feeling So Bad About Myself?

We all want to feel OK about ourselves, and for other people to like us and enjoy having us around. We want to have fun with real friends, and to have happy relationships. What we often forget is that this all starts from the relationship we create and nurture with our self first and foremost.

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Dec 19, 2016
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Q I feel ugly and fat. There’s nothing attractive about me and clothes always look sh*t on me too. I don’t want cuddles or sex with my boyfriend, and I’m always thinking that he could do better and find someone prettier, thinner and just nicer. I hate feeling like this but how do I stop it?

A Everyone has something attractive about them! Why should you be any different?

Seriously though… stop doing that to yourself. My guess is you wouldn’t speak to a child the way you speak to yourself… and there is a child deep inside you who hears and believes everything you say to her. Surely she deserves you to give her a break and stop making her feel so bad.

Please make sure that you don’t allow anyone else to poison your mind with their own negative comments about you either. Don’t let them dump their rubbish in your garden! Remember – you weren’t born feeling this way about yourself, you’ve learnt it…so it can be un-learnt!

It is generally accepted nowadays that what you give out – in the form of your thoughts and feelings – is reflected back to you and becomes your reality.

That may sound ‘woo-woo’, but it’s not fairyland – its from a branch of science called quantum physics.

What we say both silently and out loud creates a related cascade of chemicals in our body. With repetition these become the ‘norm’ and we create and expect more of them. They feel familiar and are therefore comforting in their own way – even though they may be harming us physically and psychologically.

We get different chemicals if we think positively or negatively. We need much more focus on the positive because the negative is the usual ‘default’ setting (which comes from our childhood conditioning).

You may have heard that you need five positive statements to balance out the effects of one negative one… so you have a lot of catching up to do!

And no-one else can do it for you… happiness and self-esteem is an inside job.

We all want to feel OK about ourselves, and for other people to like us and enjoy having us around. We want to have fun with real friends, and to have happy relationships. What we often forget is that this all starts from the relationship we create and nurture with our self first and foremost.

Admittedly some people have chosen to give up on these human wants and needs, and instead have condemned themselves to a life behind the bars of their emotional solitary confinement.

My guess is that you don’t want to be a prisoner of your own mind and your bad habit of putting yourself down.


What is within your power to change about the way you look?

Some things can’t be changed (eye colour, height etc.) but many other things can… you just have to make the choice and firm commitment to do it.

We are in many ways like the lump of clay on a potter’s wheel…ready to be moulded by sensitive hands and transformed into something very different.

You can now do that sensitive moulding and shaping yourself. There may be a few flaws, but these help to give you a unique beauty of your own.

To use another analogy, you have all the pieces you need to make up the mosaic of your life. You decide what shapes and colours to place where…and you create the bigger picture. One that you enjoy creating and admiring.

So get started on creating something better for yourself, and dump that old negative ‘sh*t’ about yourself where it belongs - in the rubbish bin!

(By the way there’s a condition called Body Dysmorphia. If you think you might have this level of distorted self-concept then please ask your GP for a referral to a specialist in the condition)

You can read more here –en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_dysmorphic_disorder

Maxine Harley (MSc Psychotherapy) MIND HEALER & MENTOR

www.maxineharley.com Where you'll find lots of FREE RESOURCES to help you to heal from an unhappy childhood if this is at the root of your low self-esteem. There's also a helpful video about self-esteem there too.

www.maxineharleymentoring.com Helping you to FEEL better, so you can BE, DO and HAVE better!

Go to the profile of Maxine Harley

Maxine Harley

MIND HEALER & MENTOR - , S.E.L.E.C.T. YOUR LIFE COMPANY LTD.

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