Why Can't I Be Happy?
There’s a ‘psycho-babble’ phrase you may have heard of called ‘self sabotage’. It’s where someone messes things up for themselves – even though they don’t want to (or at least a part of them doesn’t want to). There’s also a couple of other well-worn terms around called ‘limiting beliefs’ and ‘mindset’. In other words you get what you believe you deserve.
Q Why do I keep messing things up? I’ve recently realised that over the years, whenever things start to go well for me, like a new job or a pay rise or a new relationship, something happens to make it all go wrong, and take the pleasure away.
Like I get a huge bill to pay, or I find out something awful about the new girlfriend and we split up, or I fall out with someone else, or I lose some money, or I get really ill and everything comes to a standstill. It’s as if someone out there won’t let me be happy. Why does this keep happening to me?
A What do you think the ‘out there’ is? Maybe instead, it’s something inside of you that keeps getting in your own way of happiness.
I know, on a logical rational level that sounds daft… ‘Why would I do that to myself?’
But there’s a deeper level that might be directing your life, and that isn’t logical or rational – or even ‘conscious’.
I’m wondering how much of you really wants to be happy – and how much of you wants to avoid the state of happiness, because there might be an imagined bad consequence to being happy.
Perhaps when you were small something awful happened just as you were feeling happy.
Or maybe you knew of someone else around you when you were growing up who was ‘happy’ - and yet something really awful happened to them instead.
Whatever the original cause it’s now making you frustrated and unhappy – and it’s time to sort it out!
There’s a ‘psycho-babble’ phrase you may have heard of called ‘self sabotage’. It’s where someone messes things up for themselves – even though they don’t want to (or at least a part of them doesn’t want to). There’s also a couple of other well-worn terms around called ‘limiting beliefs’ and ‘mindset’.
In other words you get what you believe you deserve.
If on a sub-conscious level you feel that you aren’t worthy or deserving of happiness, or that being happy will somehow bring bad things to your life, then your powerful sub-conscious mind will see to it that you’re not happy… at least not for long.
Anything that doesn’t ‘fit’ the SCRIPT © (Sub-Conscious-Rules-Influencing-Present-Time) template - and the strict filters of the sub-conscious mind - won’t be allowed into your life.
This SCRIPT© is created in early childhood and is already strong by the age of 6 years, and it's been making the outer reality of your life ‘fit’ your inner core beliefs ever since. Ironically it was set up to keep you safe from pain and yet it can create the very thing it’s been trying to help you avoid.
The sub-conscious mind is a million times more powerful than the conscious, rational, logical mind and it wins out every time. It runs, and perhaps ruins, our lives on auto-pilot about 90% of the time, and it isn’t changed by talking, affirmations, positive thinking or will-power alone.
It will help you to at least try and locate where this ‘faulty’ sub-conscious belief might have come from. If it was from before you were three years old you won’t have a memory, or a ‘story’ about it (because your brain wasn’t developed enough for this at that young age.) If it's later you have a much better chance of locating it and seeing how you might have made the association between that event(s) and your current 'programming' against success and happiness.
Be determined to notice what’s going on for you inside your mind and body whenever you find yourself ‘getting in the way’ of your own happiness. Have a silent conversation with those feelings, and gather any deeper motives and clues to help you to solve this mystery.
Using imagery and metaphor is a good way to access the sub-conscious mind (but not necessarily to change it)… so perhaps drawing/doodling some pictures of past events and your associated feelings then and now will help you too.
I’d also add that we get what we expect in life – and if you have come to really expect negative things to befall you, then you are ‘attracting’ these into your life each time you think about, and focus upon, them happening.
So stop doing that!
When you’re clearer about why you’ve been unintentionally attracting unhappiness to your life, you can then find out *how to become happier, and to do the things required for deeper longer-lasting happiness.
Maxine Harley (MSc Psychotherapy) MIND HEALER & MENTOR
www.maxineharley.com - where you will find free resources to help you if your unhappy childhood is the cause of your present day unhappiness; as well as a FREE COPY of my e-booklet called *7 Keys To Unlock Your Happiness – how to release your happiness and find peace of mind...you will need to put the code FREE7KEYS into the checkout box].
[I’ve also created a new approach to deeper sub-conscious therapeutic work to change this S.C.R.I.P.T.(c) – and I've recently created an training programme in Quantum Psyche Process (www.qpp.uk.com). I very much hope there’ll be many qualified practitioners around in the near future. I’m sorry that doesn’t help you right now though.]