What I love about me (light and dark)

Week forty two in the journey

Go to the profile of Mark Cuddy
Oct 11, 2016
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I sat there with two pieces of paper in front of me, one good, one bad. Both had a list of twenty points on them and this was the beginning of week forty two in the Great Wake Up journey.

The two lists revealed a prism of contradictions, a man of many sides, a good guy and a bad guy all rolled into one. There was no unveiling of anything I wasn’t already aware of and nothing earth shattering to pin future hopes upon. I already knew I was a man of peace, of love, of laughter, of kindness who at the drop of a hat, with a single word could reach boiling point in a second and could turn into the exact opposite of the caring spirit I know I try my best to be.

I do have a dark side, jet black at times hidden inside me. Is it under control? Not completely but the fact I am very aware of it and it is a side of me that I am ashamed of letting loose comforts me. I can live with the fact I am clumsy, foolhardy, can overreact and be too quick tempered. The light inside me has far more control over my emotions and reactions than the darker side of me has and this will always be. In truth I can and have been the Hulk, raging and for a moment out of control but I’ve always known when enough is enough.

I know the dark side of me is a product of gene, upbringing and a mirror on the world around me. I will always try to control it and I am happy to live with it. I’m no saint but I also know my good points will always outweigh my bad points - always. I am a man who doesn’t live with envy of anyone. There isn’t a single person’s shoe’s I’d rather be walking in. I am proud to know I am honest, have no pettiness, no jealousy, I am content with what I’ve got and I’m moving forward at a rate of knots I never knew were possible and my future feels very bright. I am very happy and fully awake!

If I would have done this challenge at any other time except the last couple of months I may well have felt liberated but the truth is this journey has already liberated me from even thinking about my good and bad points. I’m happy living in my own skin. How can you free a man who is already free? I know there will be a snooze here and there, a few sleepy moments but I have enough belief and strength in me to clench both fists and send any darkness back to where it belongs. That’s how you feel when you’re free and have learned to love yourself. I don’t need to write down a list of things I love about myself or dislike about myself because I am me, there is only me and I’m a good soul too.

Love life, love yourself!

Now, does anyone fancy a joke just lighten the mood?

Go to the profile of Mark Cuddy

Mark Cuddy

Someone who learned to wake up

4 Comments

Go to the profile of Jacqui
Jacqui over 1 year ago

I really enjoyed reading this. I think being able to accept who you are is amazing! Now a joke: what do you call a sheep with no legs? Answer: a cloud. Lots of loveliness!

Go to the profile of Vanessa
Vanessa over 1 year ago

Such a positive post! It's good you've recognised your dark side and are comfortable living with him; I bet he comes out a lot less often when you're in this positive space. What do you call a deer that can't see? No eye deer! What do you call a deer that can't see and has no legs? Still no eye deer... OK, I promise, that's it with the silly jokes, but you asked :-)

Go to the profile of Ffi Ffi Trixibelle
Ffi Ffi Trixibelle over 1 year ago

Ok no jokes here, but just can I say may the force be with you always mark :) x

Go to the profile of Amanda Smith
Amanda Smith 6 months ago

Dear mark I've read posts on here with lots of interest ( I'm a newbie :)  that last one REALLY struck a chord! I hope it's ok but I'd like to ask you a question about this process and how deep it goes - ok here goes! Advice from the 12 steps (I'm just reading Russell Brand's book) says we should take a moral inventory about who we may have upset in the past and then apologise to them  - but v imp - as long as it doesn't harm them or yourself. I think this sounds great especially as it goes on to say that you can feel a sense of release - of the past and perhaps feeling lighter and more present which chimes with previous posts on here about this process. Here's my question! Does this process go this deep i.e. self analysis  or is it more like being playful in order to happen upon the release? Hope this is clear and you understand me ok! I think I've just rambled!! Haha. Thanks v much for any reply Amanda Smith (Nottm)