​Great Wake Up Blog: Week #39

For one of our final assignments with Great Wake Up!, we confront something and try to right a wrong...

Go to the profile of Chris Haigh
Sep 25, 2016
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For one of our final assignments with Great Wake Up!, we confront something and try to right a wrong...

I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. I've said hurtful things, I've done crappy things to people, and I've thought horrible things too. A lot of this kind of stuff can weigh down on you heavily as a person, and Chris' experiment to get us to try and absolve just one thing was challenging, and terrifying to boot.

I put this challenge off for as long as I could, because it gave me a bit of anxiety. What if the person I chose was hurt by me bringing the memories of my hurtful mistake back up? Was it selfish to put them through it so I could get closure? I've never done anything truly, objectively horrible in my life, but subjectively, every crappy thing is like a nail to the heart.

I finally psyched myself up by talking to one of my best friends about something I did in high school that was sneaky, manipulative, and while it had come from an innocent enough place, had still caused a temporary rift between us. I had apologised at the time, but it had felt perfunctory, in the way that teenage friendships heal and move on, as quickly as they can dissolve.

I apologised to her, after bringing the incident up. I explained where my mindset had been at, and I told her that it was fine if she was still angry at me about it. You can never tell someone how to feel, and if my friend was angry and hurt and upset, I was going to have to deal with that, not try and change it. Fortunately, she had forgotten all about it, and we even laughed about it a little, ruefully. I apologised again, and she, with mock grandiosity, pardoned me. It felt... lighter, I guess. Easier.

I think part of growing up is knowing that everyone makes huge mistakes, all the time. Ones that hurt other people, ones that hurt ourselves. Your guilt isn't the centre of the universe, and it can be freeing to know that other people have made the same mistake. They have forgiven themselves and moved on and learnt to never do that again. That's the point of mistakes, I suppose - you learn from them and become better in your determination to not do them again.

Wow. That was surprisingly deep. Can we have another week of just dancing next?

2 Comments

Go to the profile of Chris Baréz-Brown
Chris Baréz-Brown almost 2 years ago

Great! yup, tough one for sure...! But very well done to you C x

Go to the profile of Ffi Ffi Trixibelle
Ffi Ffi Trixibelle almost 2 years ago

Lovely insight .. I really enjoyed reading your post .