Just say no (I can’t say no though!)
Week thirty four in wake up
Things have moved dramatically for me during this journey. It feels like the wind is in my sails and I feel no shame in knowing I’ve grown and continue to grow. I’ve embraced the change, accepted it and continue to enjoy it. My enthusiasm for the journey is genuine and I’ll leave it at that. I’m clearly on a natural high. The magic is in us all. You’ve just got to grab it and not be afraid of it or scared where it takes you. But at the end of the day that’s down to the individual. Me, I’m flying. All I can say is this journey’s been very, very pleasant – I’m still, unashamedly loving every minute of it.
When I now get a ‘wake up’ challenge I try to see it bigger than what’s being asked of me. This week’s challenge was to find some ‘thing’ that we routinely do and say no to it. I had to start this with thinking about the things I routinely do….
There’s getting up naturally, letting the morning wake me up. I do have a safety value (an alarm clock) which I’ve only used once whilst at the apartment. I just let the sunrise and bird song stir me. Without fail I casually wake up feeling refreshed as the light brightens the open-curtained bedroom. And the view you ask? It’s just beautiful. Of a night I look out of the window and the city of Worcester, eight miles in the distance flickers away. Like a child mesmerised by the lights glittering on a Christmas tree within ten minutes I’m ready for sleep and dreaming of all good things to come.
Then there’s the morning and the obligatory coffee or two if I decide I want a second cup. This is a pleasant routine. I love the aroma and the mouthfeel.
Then there’s playing games with Bobby, feeding him and walking him and playing with him some more. All a lovely and enjoyable routine – I LOVE THAT DOG!
And then there’s my walk (it’s a march I can only march) from the apartment to the pub (if it’s wet I drive). The two plus mile walk all downhill is refreshing and I change the route a couple of times a week, there are several routes to take. I must tell you that the other day the sun was warming my face. There weren’t many people on the streets except for the odd jogger with a smile on their face and a postman delivering letters. But as I strode down the avenue really sucking it all in ‘Ventura Highway’ by America came on my IPod – synchronicity!
And that was the fullness of my routines. Even the five day a week kitchen set up is changed on a daily basis (thanks to an earlier ‘wake up’ break through). I was at an end in a search to find routine that I could change or stop. I felt good about this. At a loss I asked Sarah what she thought. She said, “Stop making me breakfast in bed.” I heard myself make an incredulous gasp. I never thought I would hear her say that. She was clearly at a loss for ideas herself. We decided to give it a few days to sleep on it – there must be some routine I can stop to complete the challenge…
More thinking and more days passed and still there were NO more suggestions. Life must be simple for me forever ditching that autopilot and forever banishing Mr Self Doubt and scattering him to the four winds I thought. I sat with a very big smile on my face – I was truly happy. I had a woman who has stuck by me through thick and THIN who I knew loved me. I had a dog who added magic to my life. An apartment that thanks to ‘wake up’, was a place I felt spiritually at one with. I had plans for the near future and for one of only a few times in the last twenty years I was genuinely glad to be alive, breathing and knowing I was growing and life is there to be lived (we only get one crack at this life). And the thing was as I hugged that feeling of being alive and cherished it I knew that feeling would only grow and get stronger as time passed.
History had shown me that life had been tough and had thrown a lot of shit my way. He also showed me I hadn’t always made the right decisions but at this moment in time I couldn’t have been any happier and routine? - There wasn’t anything unhealthy or healthy to stop or change – I was awake, truly awake and still growing.