How To Detox Your Toxic Beliefs

If we've had to swallow the family poison as a child, we then keep spitting it out over other people - even our own children. That is, unless we become aware of what's happening and we 'detox' our mind and body from the handed down poisonous beliefs and behaviours.

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What are toxic beliefs?

We all know what a belief is, but where does one come from?

As adults we form new beliefs based upon our interests, gathered information, experiences and how we have assimilated them.

It's an intentional process, one of informed choice - which is flexible and open to change.

We can form beliefs that help to confirm other beliefs we hold – yet we don't hold contradictory beliefs. If there is a clash then something has to give and be discarded in favour of what suits us best at that time in our lives.

In childhood we didn't have the same capacity for choice and evaluation. We formed our beliefs from our experiences – what happened to us and around us, how we felt about that, what we imagined that meant about us, and what we needed to do either to repeat or avoid that experience or anything similar happening in the future.

The beliefs we formed up to the age of six have shaped our sub-conscious mind and determined our expectations and behaviours most of the time since then. (It's estimated that over 90% of our adult behaviour is sub-consciously driven.)

Imagine the quality of your self-beliefs if, as a small child, you'd heard and emotionally felt messages about you being wanted, loved and valued; and that you could trust that you'd be kept safe and treated well.

What if you didn't get those type of self-affirming messages on which to form your self-beliefs...what did that leave you with?

Sorry to say it, but you'd be left with shaky foundations and toxic beliefs - that only serve to keep your psychological base feeling more unstable with every unavoidable knock or jolt.

You wouldn't be as emotionally robust and resilient as you would otherwise have been. You would be at the mercy of your moods, and how you interpreted other people's behaviour towards you.

Remember, babies aren't born thinking badly of themselves. They have no desire to cut or burn themselves. They don't bully others, or put themselves down.

These behaviours come from deeply internalised beliefs that cause anxiety and even physical inflammation and dis-ease in the system. In this way they are indeed toxic.

Sadly those deep-seated toxic beliefs aren't at the surface to be quickly swept away. They hide in the shadows and show themselves in our daily interactions and relationships. Often to our surprise and dismay – particularly when we mess things up for ourselves.

The adult part of our psyche can think we deserve something good, but the inner child and subconscious mindset may have different ideas - and they ensure that what happens in our lives on the outside is only ever a reflection of our inner core beliefs.

If we've had to swallow the family poison as a child, we then keep spitting it out over other people - even our own children. That is, unless we become aware of what's happening and we 'detox' our mind and body from the handed down poisonous beliefs and behaviours.

What are some common toxic beliefs?

  • I'm rubbish
  • I don't deserve to be happy
  • I'm never enough no matter what I do
  • I'm a burden and a nuisance
  • Nobody likes me – I should hide myself away
  • I'm only OK if I'm helping others to feel better
  • If people knew the real me they'd see how bad I really am
  • If I show my vulnerability and pain I'll get hurt again
  • I can't trust anyone
  • I'm a failure – I can never get it right
  • My life is out of my control

These core toxic beliefs impact all of your relationships, how you parent your children, how you run your business, how well you do at work and in your career, and how healthy and wealthy you become.

We can't access and change our deeper sub-conscious beliefs with our conscious logical mind alone. No amount of pretty fridge-magnets or social media memes and affirmations get past the gatekeeper to the sub-conscious mind.

However if you practice something new on a regular basis then in time some changes can be made (but in the event of childhood and subsequent trauma, more focused professional help is strongly recommended).

For those people with only a few toxic beliefs, these can be unearthed and explored by tuning into our immediate reactions and inner voice responses to the following statements said out loud:-

  • I'm as good as anyone else
  • I have nothing to feel envious about
  • I have as much right as anyone else to be here
  • There's no such thing as perfect
  • There's no such thing as normal
  • There is no such thing as failure
  • I can control and choose my thoughts and feelings, and change my mind, whenever I want to
  • I am not a victim
  • Other people's opinion of me isn't the truth, it's just an opinion
  • If people really knew me they'd easily realise that I'm OK
  • I am free to chose the path and direction of my life – I create my own future
  • Some people will be drawn to me others will not – that's not just about me it's about them too
  • I can both soothe and support myself – I have no need or desire to depend upon anyone else to do this for me

Some of our old toxic beliefs will pop up in response to these statements, and many can be gradually exchanged for these more empowering statements – in time.

Any more deeply held toxic beliefs will feel – by the subconscious mind – to be so necessary for survival that they won't be edited or deleted without specifically focused help.

There is a process called Automaticity which shows that it takes on average 21 days of repeated 're-programmming' for us to feel differently about ourselves and our physical appearance

This average figure jumps to 66 days to change old habitual behaviours. It can take as few as 18 days or as many as over 100...the 66 days is only the average figure.

You not only say these uncontaminated phrases out loud, you think them to yourself, you feel the impact of them upon your mind, body and life... and you firmly believe them to be true – in spite of the resistance from your sub-conscious mind.

Don't give up releasing the poison and detoxing your own toxic beliefs, and don't allow any new ones to sneak in.

Don't ever allow anyone else to dump their rubbish in the garden of your mind. Objectively evaluate what others say about you and why they treat you as they do – which will be driven by their own sub-conscious, and probably toxic, beliefs too!

Imaging your life when those positive, affirming and empowering beliefs belong to you – and they can!

Now is the best time to detox the old beliefs and replace them with something much more healthy for your future.

Maxine Harley (MSc Psychotherapy) MIND HEALER & MENTOR WHERE YOU'LL FIND A PAGE OF FREE RESOURCES - to help you with your therapeutic self-development. And for those with a toxic parent you'll find a FREE e-booklet 'The S.H.I.E.L.D' to get you started on the path of healing and recovery. You will also find 5 online self-help courses - to help you to help yourself, your relationship, your children and your business/career - helping women to understand and manage their emotions, boundaries and behaviours... to FEEL better, so they can BE, DO and HAVE better in their lives - a series of 10 online self-help workshops to help you with different aspects of your life - changing the sub-conscious belief system or S.C.R.I.P.T. (c) Sub-Conscious-Rules-Influencing-Present-Time

Maxine Harley

MIND HEALER & MENTOR - Psychotherapist (MSc), Author, Columnist & Blogger. Please see and, S.E.L.E.C.T. Your Life Company Ltd.

I help women to FEEL better - so they can BE, DO and HAVE better! As a MIND HEALER I specialise in helping women to recover from a troubled childhood and toxic parents, to heal and transcend their emotional wounds, re-parent their inner child, and make peace with their past. This enables and empowers them to become better parents, partners, professionals - and all round happier calmer people :-) As a MENTOR I offer different levels of therapeutic self development - including MINDING YOUR BUSINESS, MINDING THE GAP, and MIND MASTERY...please discover more at