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MARTIN HATTON over 3 years ago

not sure if reference to Gottman book is to help or a must, link does not take you expert to US amazon book store

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MARTIN HATTON over 3 years ago

Ok, hard at first to focus of the excercise..

What first attracted you to your partner? List five things.

1. bubbly character
2. vulnerability and looking for fun ( dare i say erotic)
3. assertive with intelligence
4. physically active, i.e. gym attendance
5. physical attractiveness

What are your happiest memories of being together? Think about what you were doing, how you felt and what was working well.
initial lustful relationship, great sex.. in different places.... and

What five qualities do you still most admire in your partner?
1. intelligence...
2. attractive and intimacy.. at times
3. struggling...
4.
5

Look at your red line – what were you doing well together when it was at its highest?
The relationship was fast and brisk and included concerts, festivals and driving on car rallies, all new to me.... falling pregnant when wife had been advised she may not be bale to conceive..Good partnership, awesome couple.. with planning first baby..

What wasn’t working so well – when it was low?
The pregnancy ended in trauma, a still birth at 33 weeks, and discovered during family visit Boxing day.. not fun.. and having a sister as midwife.. not pleasant.. and Christmas period still raw and full of remembrance..
Low point spent new year eve writing his short journal with memories of where he had been with us.. bit happier and helping the grief....
I think we have had 7 pregnancies and only two children, so both pregnancies were only successful with weekly scans and wife administering daily injections....
juggling work and family life was hard.. off sick with situational- stress looking after all three........ new dad.....working against postnatal depression but refusal to engage with treatment.. grieving.....and placing children ( 15 months apart ) within nursery one month after birth for younger child
Looking back, what five things can you celebrate about your relationship?
two healthy children, staying together.....moving to Scotland.. which appeared to be isolation rather than to join social net work..tough times.....
struggling with Post Qualifying course.. with little support form work peers..... but determination combined with stubbornness not to quit....

finally being asked to leave family home 4 years ago..... struggling with request.. form wife.. for divorce.. but not wanting to split 50/50.... demanding 80/20 in her favour.. painful writing this....
justifying my role through mediation with rejection being felt with role achieved thus far....
accumulating stress.. on it way

having mole/skin cancer removed from face to add to mix..... yeah shot happens.. as you...
Looking forward, imagine being 80 and looking back at this chapter. How do you want it to feature in the overall story of your lives?

wow I wish i could.. not likely to make 80, but mixed views about this chapter...
visiting to see children and sharing some weekend time together now.. but fragile.. live in my own flat.... and ;little space.. oh a box and things kept in certain place... always by the door...
sorry, as authentic as I could be

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Jacquie Parkes about 3 years ago

Feel for you Martin,and appreciate your honesty. not sure this course is the right place for you? I am taking time over each exercise as I am finding it painful and difficult to be positive right now, bUt I am determined to give it a go in the hope of saving my 24year marriage . This really feels like the last chance saloon ...gulp.. So here goes....