Having tuned into the Psychologies theme of friendship in recent weeks, I came across a quote from Orson Welles, which is both profound and thought provoking. 'We're born alone, we live alone, and we die alone. Only through our love and friendships can we create the illusion for the moment, that we're not alone' I like the quote, but take issue with the word illusion. I will explain why.
Falling in love is one of the best feelings in the world, it’s like being on cocaine (according to brain imaging studies!) but sadly it doesn’t last forever. Indeed some people cannot sustain relationships because they are addicted to that feeling - they break up with their partners when the feeling ends to find someone new to fall in love with again. The feeling of being in love distorts our thinking, we have found ‘the one’, we feel invincible, on top of the world but only until reality announces its presence. So when we are dating, how do we know if it’s really love? What does true love actually look like?
Probably one of the things that rank highest in ‘most dreaded experiences’ which are difficult, if not impossible, to avoid in a life-time are break ups and broken hearts. I want to talk to you about the best way to deal with the heartache involved and how to get through it without your world crashing (too much).
You want a relationship, but you won’t get it because in reality you are simply not ready. You may be single enjoying your life as it is. You may be thinking it’s about time to settle down. You may feel pressured to by all those couples around you. You might feel exasperated, you really want a relationship but you just can’t seem to find the right person, you meet a constant stream of dead-ends. Where are all the decent people? Regardless of your situation, you may in fact not be ready for the real deal.
Separating from your partner, particularly when your lives have become entwined, can be one of the most painful and liberating experiences you will ever encounter. There are no quick fixes or easy solutions but there is always light at the end of the tunnel. As a coach, divorcee and keen observer of people and relationships, this is what I have learned.
My husband David and I have been married for ten years. I was 35 when we got married and even though I had worked in relationships education for several years at the time – it still came as a bit of a shock. Theory is one thing – practice is quite another!
So I was walking through Liverpool Street station in London yesterday, and was delighted to see so many images of hearts and messages of love. As a dating coach I was filled with warmth. I am a sucker for positive messages and lovely reminders. And then I remembered - oh, yeah, it’s Valentine’s next month...