I wrote this is in April 2017 when I was recovering from being raped.
Our societal conditioning can make the practise of self love and self care seem rather a conundrum. I remember that when I began to even consider that I could be worthy of loving myself just for existing, it was a revelation. I did not need other people to inject me with the love that I so lacked from myself. I usually relied on male love interests to do this for me, which was a sure path into love addiction (if you think you may be a love addict, look up Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous and check out the self-diagnosis questions). Upon this revelation my mind got looped into a tight spot of unhelpful, repetitive thinking which swung between;
I can’t love myself because I don’t deserve it and loving myself sounds really selfish, even narcisitic.
Healing ourselves with our own well of love after a body blow like sexual assault or rape, cane be an opportunity for tapping into a love for ourselves we have never accessed before. In times of recovery from trauma like these, we are forced to. I feel like my soul is calling for it. Even if we feel undeserving, unworthy, selfish, arrogant, weak and ashamed, we can love ourselves. At this point it feels like all I have.
Everybody’s experiences vary- you might love the idea of self love and compassion and feel it is a path of healing hat calls out to you. Or it may sounds like an out of reach, lofty, trippy idealism that does not resonate for you. That’s ok. However I cannot emphasise enough that your recovery and healing will benefit from being kind and patient with yourself.
These are some things I am finding helpful as self care ideas…
Meditation. Self compassion meditations, Kristin Zeff’s are beautiful.
Journalling to help unload your brain.
Bathe in Epsom salts.
Walk in nature
Dance-slow and easy or like a person possessed.
Eat the good foods….foods with chi.
Sleep, take all the naps you need. Talk to your GP if you are missing lots of sleep.
Time with friends-chatting or in silence.
Limit your time around people who drain your energy. Honour your self enough to not be around people who deplete you for long periods of time.
You deserve support. See a therapist or healer to help you hold and move through the grief. But there is no rush.
Talk to yourself like you would to a friend.
Exercise…..yoga is great for moving trauma through and out.
Acknowledge your strengths.
Get Vitamin D. From sunshine or in supplement form.
Pray. The universe loves you, even though that idea might seem ludicrous right now. Try it when it feels right for you.