Love is something you do, not just a feeling

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Love. That most romanticized emotion. Popular culture is full of references to the heady emotion that can sweep us off our feet, turn us temporarily just a little mad, and leave us feeling absolutely wonderful. 

And yet, this intensity of love does not last. It is all too fleeting, most often in the first flushes of a romance. As a relationship develops into its rhythms and patterns and becomes more mature, the love we feel changes too. 

Love becomes more grounded and less heady.  There is a steadiness in lasting love, in putting someone else's cares and concerns alongside our own and considering them in all our day to day decisions.  Love takes on a more contented character.

And sometimes, life tests love.  The arrival of a child, the death of a loved one, a change of job, or relocation, or any number of other stressors change us, and in turn change our relationships.

This is when it is important to remember that as well as being a feeling, love is a verb. It's something you do. It's a way of behaving. A way of speaking. A way of listening. A way of showing you notice and you care.  Love is a thousand small daily actions that add up to letting someone know they matter to you.

Commitment is shown when we choose to love, despite our difficulties and feelings. When we turn towards regardless of our vulnerability and fear. When we trust in each other, and in our relationship.

Love need not be blind, and it is not completely unconditional.  There are limits.  Understanding where these limits truly lie for you is important, because if you stop loving, there are consequences. That's a place to go deliberately, after reflection and soul searching, not just based on a passing feeling.

To explore rekindling love and commitment in your relationship, together or individually, get in touch.

Go to the profile of Fe Robinson, Psychotherapist

Fe Robinson, Psychotherapist

I am here to help you thrive, whatever life brings. I offer Psychotherapy, EMDR therapy and Couples Counselling to clients based in Durham. I am UKCP Accredited, BACP Registered, and an EMDR Europe Practitioner, and offer Clinical Supervision to counsellors and psychotherapists locally. I have worked in private practice, the NHS, and in charitable organisations, with a wide range of clients and conditions.

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