Sex

How Can I Stop Feeling So Bored With Sex?

To fully enjoy our sexual intimacy and connection we also need to get our focus inside our body, and finely and intensely experience each sensation. Feeling a deeper connection to one another is highly arousing in a non-physical way too.

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Apr 30, 2017
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Q - I’ve been with my partner for a couple of years now and at first sex between us was great. It was passionate and fun, but now it feels like another chore. I doesn’t help when ‘celebrities’ say we should put up with sex to keep our men happy. That to me sounds like something out of the Victorian times! I’m bored and fed up, what can I do?

A - I also saw that recent article from a celebrity, but let’s remember, it is only her opinion, and celebrities are in need of publicity…so a pinch of salt is required.

Having said that, I do understand what was mentioned there about moving beyond our ambivalence, and going along with sex to please our partner and support the relationship.

I know that sometimes we can feel indifferent about having sex, yet if we go ahead we can then shift our mood and really enjoy it.

That’s different from feeling a sense of duty or obligation – which can kill sexual desire.

No means no! (unless you’re both playing a game and are very clear about that.)

Tiredness, routine, predictability, medications, feeling distracted, anxiety and depression, and having unexpressed anger or resentment can all get in the way of our desire for sex.

To fully enjoy our sexual intimacy and connection we also need to get our focus inside our body, and finely and intensely experience each sensation. Feeling a deeper connection to one another is highly arousing in a non-physical way too.

The sexual process usually starts with desire, then to arousal, reaching the peak, and then resting on the plateau, followed by the recovery stage. For some couples that process is repeated more than once in the same sexual session.

We can be aroused by different things to our partner, and we aren't mind-readers - so we need to tell one another what we want.

Be clear in your own mind what is a turn-on and what is a turn-off for you, and have a sensitive chat with your partner to both share your opinions and preferences.

No threat, blame, criticism or shame. Just two adults sharing what they do and don’t like – as a way of increasing their shared sexually intimate experience.

Please ask yourself ‘What would have to happen for sex not to be boring?

Also introduce one unexpected thing into your sexual experience each time. You can take turns (and be clear beforehand about any ‘no-go’ areas).

Holding eye contact, and having gentle sensual touch can be much more arousing for some people than images or fantasies (which also have their place).


Some people struggle to cope with the intensity of deeper personal intimacy, and instead they prefer ‘functional’ sex – which can be boring and distancing to a partner who yearns for more emotional connection.

Sex can also be a barometer of the rest of the relationship.

Might things have become stale and dull?

It’s very important to keep investing in our romantic and intimate relationship – the rewards accrue!

If you’d like to review, renew and re-ignite your relationship, and to learn new ways of enjoying sexual intimacy there are two online self-help courses I’d like to suggest.

They each costs less than one counselling therapy or coaching session and will give you a huge amount of help, from the privacy of your home.

They also provide a structure for joint exploration and an opportunity to take your relationship and sex life to a new level. You can find them at www.maxineharley.com

How To Sort Out Your Relationship - without couples counselling!

How To Sort Out Your Sexual Intimacy - without sex therapy!

for a £10 discount please add the code TENOFF at the checkout and they will each then cost only £27…and your relationship has to be worth that!


Maxine Harley (MSc Psychotherapy) MIND HEALER & MENTOR

www.maxineharley.com

www.maxineharleymentoring.com

www.the-ripple-effect.co.uk - A series of 10 online self-help Psycho-Emotional-Education workshops on a wide range of life problems including one about 'Understanding Relationships'.

Go to the profile of Maxine Harley

Maxine Harley

MIND HEALER & MENTOR - , S.E.L.E.C.T. YOUR LIFE COMPANY LTD.

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