Expect at your peril

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We all have hopes, and we all dream. Without our aspirations, life would be dull and flat. They can lift us up and inspire us to action, they give us a direction to move towards.

The energy of expectation is very different. When we expect something, we have a sense of entitlement, we believe that what we want is our due, our right to receive.

If what we expect is not forthcoming, then we may experience disappointment. Disappointment is a message to tell us we feel let down. Sometimes, we may be quite right. If we have reasonable expectations and we are frequently let down, then perhaps there is a need to learn and to stop expecting.

Over time, at its worst, unresolved disappointment can turn to disillusionment, bitterness, resentment and rage. Then, we may get stuck in our narrative about others and their deficiencies.

If disappointment is a recurring theme for you, you may want to explore your sense of what you expect. Is your disappointment specific to one relationship? If so, can you address this beneficially? Can you change your expectations if not?

We can probably all do with holding our hopes lightly. Where you can, allow them to be preferences and desires, but don't stake your well-being on them.

If your feelings of disappointment are more general, you may want to explore this in psychotherapy. You may want to reflect on patterns in your family of origin, and your experience of asking, and reaching out in the past. It may be there are wounds that need healing to help you to hope, and not expect.


Go to the profile of Fe Robinson, Psychotherapist

Fe Robinson, Psychotherapist

I am here to help you thrive, whatever life brings. I offer Psychotherapy, EMDR therapy and Couples Counselling to clients based in Durham. I am UKCP Accredited and an EMDR Europe Practitioner, and offer Clinical Supervision to counsellors and psychotherapists locally. I have worked in private practice, the NHS, and in charitable organisations, with a wide range of clients and conditions.

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