In the autumnal months I decided to say yes, instead of no.
In opening-up to opportunities I paid little attention to limitations, and although I am on a non-linear experiential learning curve. I am pleased to report – I am okay. Surviving!
The counselling course was a taster session. A chance for me to decide whether the Counsellor’s hat was a fit for me. I am certainly glad it was a free course, because during week 2 of a 3 hour, once a week, for four weeks, I began to recognise my intuition was rambling in the dark, pushed back into the depths of my mind – No. No. No.
I was quite open about it, I decided to be clear with the facilitator, and during the opening circle and the closing circle I would announce “I am Julie, and I feel unsure, uncertain, disheartened, maybe tested.”
I decided to pay attention to my responses and noticed that I hadn’t just said these words about the counselling course. Over recent months and years I was saying this a lot, about a lot. For many reasons within the mindset, body and the soul, my reasoning for this intuition often left me sounding disappointed and frustrated. Why?
I chose to ask myself why?
I’ve been self-awareness practising, journalling, for nearly five years now, but only recently since February 2017 and since accessing an abundance of resources with the Psychologies Magazine, did I start to properly think about what I had written down and see it as a process of reflection. Reflection can only be visited after the sequence of events take place. Thanks to the team for providing some excellent tips and instructions. The worksheets have been really helpful as a subscriber.
These tools have worked for me. . . but, they won’t always work for everyone. A tool is often only as capable as the user of the tool. I sound like a joiner. It was a joiner that gave me that sentence, which has stayed with me for over a decade.
If a tool isn’t working as effectively as I want it to, I might need training. I might need to ask for help, or guidance. After training and guidance, the tool becomes easier to use over time, with practise. This ideology has worked for me in my own circumstances. I don’t speak for everyone; which is something I recently learned on the induction course.
In the past I have always been the selfless ear, the guide the listener and the supporter, but when it comes to asking for help, I often turned to myself. This isn’t always the best way, however I’ve a high success rate of achievement in my life, so I won’t quibble. When looking for the answer to something, it is about timing, place and orientations. I’ve always enjoyed adventures and navigation, maybe that’s why I am a huge supporter of life-long-learning. Sometimes I make the right choices for the moment, other times, I don’t. The one thing that has always been clear to me in recent years, is to be aware and accountable of my own actions.
I had never started out in writing poetry and stories that might reflect a message of healing and catharsis, maybe it was something I needed to do and it just happened on a subconscious level. I’ve always loved to note and write, without reason.
Now I have some great reasons.
I understand today that I don’t need to be a Counsellor to write. I don’t need to be a Therapist or a Professor or a Lecturer or a Teacher. The pressure is off. The Introductory to Counselling Course delivered this message to me. I simply need to trust that I am always going to have fun in the learning process, and I have my limits, and my boundaries that are clear to me, but they don’t always need to be shared in the creative words I write. I simply need to write what I like to write about, and maintain my sense of self as the narrator. I am external from the book, I am observant. No more internalisation is required.
- If I write about horror, that doesn’t make me a murderer.
- If I write about fairies, that doesn’t make me a dreamer.
- If I write about comedy, that doesn’t mean I am laughing all of the time.
To some readers, this blog might appear odd. Common sense prevailing. Although, I think a lot of the reasoning for writers holding back, is their hope not to be judged or critiqued. Writing is a critical minefield. I was worried about being judged. I’d paid for an education in literature, that calculated 608 hours a year of critical judgement and opinion for why an Author wrote this and that.
Subconsciously, I had begun to doubt myself as the Writer, when I hadn't yet released anything to the world.
Since journalling and the continuation of research to understand literature for myself, I love a good read and I also tend to be critical, but not so much about the Author, more so about the social context, and the subliminal message being interpreted by the reader through Fantasy and Fiction. I can only offer my own interpretation. My interpretation may differ from others, but, I can only know if I take the time to read and practise for myself.
Recently I have noticed a shift in my sense of being. I feel more confident, more encouraged, more aware of my core values, my boundaries and my own motivations. Did the course nudge me in the right direction? Maybe, maybe not. Does it matter? At least in trying something new, pushing me and my self out of my own comfort zone, I learned what I do want and when enough is enough.
It doesn’t end there. Because I attended this course I am now on a list. I was called the other day, and asked if I would like to attend the ‘Interpretation of Dreams course’. I’ve always been a fan of dream interpretation, I am starting to remember what ‘I’ like and I am saying yes. I can attend and walk away if it isn't for me.
I will let you know what I learn. It won’t be for everyone. What I know for certain:
Interpreting Dreams is certainly my kinda thing.
Love to you all.