Update from Wake Up in the darker times...
Oh my what a wake up!
In my last post, I referred to receiving the call back all women fear…the letter calling you back post mammogram. At the time, I was digging deep using the mindfulness tools and gratitude exercises we had used throughout Wake Up!
I did dig deep and, like all in this type of situation, attempted to keep a level head, not panic, put things into perspective. My god I absolutely woke up then, to what I LOVE about life and LOVE about my body.
Almost four weeks and two biopsies later I have been told all is well. I have a small issue which will be monitored yearly for five years, but no malignancy now. I cried when the nurse told me, as I imagine we all would. The screening process is amazing though, with the aim to diagnose and treat at an early stage; for me it was thorough, but at times emotionally and physically brutal. I experienced the solidarity of women waiting in the waiting room, the dignity of partners and friends offering support and the care of the radiographers and nurses at times compensating for the detached demeanour of consultants.
There will be people reading this who have been through their own intense and probably much more painful wake-ups. For me I feel blessed to have fallen in love with my body again – all its imperfections are a testimony to what I have created and experienced in my life. I am in awe at how it helps me live and I won’t take it for granted again. Of course, I see my family and friends as so precious this Christmas. I couldn’t care less that we have nothing planned for New Year. In the past I would have felt apologetic to admit this to others at a time when social lives can be competitive: now I am looking forward to enjoying this time with a sense of peace and calm and there will be no denying this.
So, after an amazing 2016 I have emerged so much wiser. I have made real friends in the Wake-up community. As I find peace in the life I live I am opening myself up more to others and being more honest about who I really am. The final month has crystallised this further. I am understanding that we can’t control everything and rather than just keep to things I can keep neat and ordered, I want to branch out and really inhabit the life I am part of.
So this Christmas I will have real empathy and compassion for my old mum who repeats herself and tells me about her ailments. I will listen to my son’s tales of Pokemon. I will let my husband sit back and watch hours of rubbish telly and not moan at my girls if they don’t want to watch Elf with me. Because I am so bloody glad to have this normal, messy life to embrace with the heartiest hug I can muster!
Have a fab Christmas everyone, whatever your version of Christmas looks like!